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Lessons learned - Squabbles between couples are a good thing

Wednesday, August 10th, 2016

Squabbles between couples are a good thing - image courtesy

Squabbles between couples are a good thing - image courtesy

It is a well known fact that some of the gender differences are known to scientists and psychologists alike. One of these differences lies in how a man or a woman use their cognitive abilities that they are inherently born with and apply it to their daily lives. Women are considered more instinctual thinkers and think of details whereas men are more pragmatic in the way they reach their conclusions. So who is right and who is wrong. It would be a complete waste of time and energy to deduce one gender is greater in some respects than man. However, we cannot argue the fact that this is definitely a man’s world. ‘It would be nothing without a woman or a girl’, the lyrics of the famous artist and singer James Brown, ‘It’s a Man’s, Man’s Man’s World’.

To argue over the instinctual nature of women and the logical sense of men would be futile in exercise and like comparing apples and oranges. The right approach to these differences is to understand how these differences can work together to bring about something greater than by itself. The gnawing and thrashing of couple squabbles is in actual fact a good thing. This usually arrives from polarized views in their thinking ie. the instinctual versus the logic. What many people don’t realize that each time you arrive at an agreement from those squabbles there is a greater awareness and understanding of cooperation between couples. This should be a goal and known fact from the social interaction of couples. However, there is a BIG catch for this to work smoohtly and effectively. If one feels defeated and bitter over an argument, the couple’s relationship may take a path for the worse. What can possibly be good from one party having been defeated over their arguments by a decisive win by the other party. All couples should take note. It is a marriage of co-operation and both have to give and take without harboring ill feelings between each other.

Unfortunately, in the ideal world we are not made to act or react in such a way depending of course on the topic of arguments or discussion. Our opinions and arguments stem from the way we have been brought up and the way we shape our personalities from our internalized experiences. But the truth remains that we have some qualities and values that we can always aim for in order to make ourselves better than what we are. These traits have been passed through generation after generation and they can come in any shape or form ie. cultural, religious, spiritual, hardship etc. But there are common threads of human qualities that we put head and shoulders above the rest. These include sincerity, generosity, kindness, integrity amongst others. If we are true to those values than I will make a bold a statement that the world would be cured of 99% of the problems we see facing today.

So the lesson learned is that the next time you come out of an argument, make sure you have the empathy in check so that both individuals have gained something positive out of the argument.

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Gender Differences - Understanding the dual nature of reactivity & proactivity - Part 2

Thursday, May 3rd, 2012

Gender Differences - Understanding the dual nature of reactivity & proactivity - Part 1

That being said, unless you have a large body of interests with your partner, you are most likely to fall into one of the two categories in the relationship. Though I could be wrong, since numerous closed studies would be needed between couples in order to elucidate the following facts. One of the individuals within the relationships will need to take on each of the roles ie. reactivity and proactivity. In many relationships where the men are the most masculine and the strongest of the genders, the role of proactivity may go to them whereas the females will have a more reactivity type role. Based on my experience, these type of roles can have serious underpinnings and grievances to the entire relationship if it’s not properly understood.

Take the case of a young couple where the female has understands her role to be fixed in any men vs women relationship. She would expect her partner to make most of the moves regarding where they go on a date and what he chooses to do or decide. It is very similar to the animal kingdom where the male is the predator when it comes to hunting females for mating. In this situation, the male over time may have certain expectations from the females and the female needs to be able to see this and play a more active role. However, it is entirely possible that a female who appears to be in a reactive role is ‘in fact’ playing a subtle ‘proactive’ role. For example, she induces a reactionary role within the partner just simply by observation and making subtle moves. This could also stem from the women’s survival skills to hold on to her partner so that she has someone who can father her children and will always be around for this.

It is a cautionary tale of love & conquests that we hear of from many romantic novels and movies. The roles of proactivity and reactivity are significant factors that come into play in a relationship without many men or women being aware of it. For some people who are skilled in the art of seduction, they may have a good handle on this technique and many men and women may unwittingly fall for this. Next time you find yourself being pulled in a certain direction, you may want to think for a moment whether you are in fact playing a proactive or a reactive role.

Gender Differences - Understanding the dual nature of reactivity & proactivity - Part 3

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Are the compatibility figures in online dating sites a myth or a fact?

Friday, April 27th, 2012

We have reported in earlier posts about the big deal that many dating sites make regarding the algorithms that they employ to find your best matches. Although, we at Jumpdates feel that these can be useful aids to some online daters to find compatible matches, we do not think that they are the ‘holy grail’ to your compatible match.

Are the compatibility figures in online dating sites a myth or a fact

Are the compatibility figures in online dating sites a myth or a fact

We have covered many posts on the innate nature of human beings when it comes to relationships, marriage, gender differences and the many unique qualities that make all of us different. In addition to the complexity of each individual, add the unique relationship of the two individuals on top of this and we end up with an exceptionally intricate ‘union’ that cannot be determined through quantitative analysis alone.

Related dating article - Online Dating Briefs by Dr. Dato - Ever try online dating?

We also know that human beings also have an innate ability to change within, so how does that ‘impact’ the relationship. Most likely, it will throw a curveball in the entire relationship in the eyes of your partner and the relationship will need adapting to. There are just too many factors for online dating sites to claim they have a perfect system with regards to compatibility, it’s just not possible.

What dating sites can work towards instead, is to promote and ‘open’ the eyes of members to greater possibilities. Provide them with the necessary tools for them to locate the partner they are looking for and let them decide what will work for them. Dating sites by all means will always provide an excellent platform to engage many singletons together to find their meaningful relationship and this will continue to grow for years to come. However, we should all be realistic to how far we can really pair up couples since this communion can only be really understood by the couples themselves.

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Relationship is a two way thing - perk it up with some exciting tips

Tuesday, April 24th, 2012

The first date is an important one for many of us but yet we limit the number of venues or events for this eventful time. For example, we usually do one of these things; movies, dinner date, walk in the park or sit down at a coffee house. Although, there is absolutely nothing wrong with these type of events especially if you are meeting up for the first time, there is a whole world of possibilities that you could be missing out and enhance your relationship.



Remember not to take dating events as simply just another event, think of it as a way of getting intimately close to your dating partner. What makes your partner tick, what makes you tick and what events could bring out this information and make the whole event fun and a memorable one. Of course, it has been said that if couples do like each other, the actual event or venue becomes secondary to their own presence with each other. This may be true, but if you think about it, how well do you know this person, you may have a tingling sensation when you are with this person but is that enough?

The natural design for couples dating is to use a combination of their heads and heart when it comes to summing up each other. If the focus is too much on the feelings then we could be in for a torrential roller coaster of a ride where we literally fall off from the other end! If we keep our feelings in check and make the practicalities of life as an important factor in determining the partner’s suitability then we have a balanced approach and to all intents and purposes this is probably the correct approach.

Think about it, if you are finding frivolously wandering through life going aimlessly from one partner to another, then something is amiss. Either you have your standards way up high and you need to appreciate the real facts in life and perhaps focus more on your partner rather than what you want. If you have a lack of partners, this could be due to the lack of communication between the opposite sex and not being able to go deep enough with anyone about your own personal feelings and thoughts.

Whatever the reasons could be, it is always a good idea to take the emphasis away from ‘you’ and concentrate on the greater and broader things in life that awaits you. Next time you go out on a date, try to think outside of the box and instead of what you can get out of it, see what you can give back.

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