Returned 746 results for 'Category: Dating and Relationship Advice'
Thursday, September 1st, 2016
We often find ourselves in the doldrums and feel there is no way out of it. Many of us remain that way and unable to find a way out, but the answer is really very simple. You may have come across the words ‘I think and therefore I am’ from the famous 17th century French philosopher René Descartes.
These words are loaded with information, in case you didn’t know. Basically the premise of the words was to convey to the person the rationale thinking of one’s own existence but it has much more implications as I will explain.
You may also have come across these sayings…
“Careful of what you think, it might come true’
‘’We act without thinking or we keep thinking without acting’
and my favorite one by Dale Carnegie…
‘It isn’t what you have, or who you are or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about’
There are big lessons to be learnt from these ‘thinking’ mindset (apologizes for the pun) and that it can profoundly change the way we live. All the philosophers and successful people point to the same thing and that is everyone can change, it is just a matter of changing one’s thinking. This conveniently brings me to the important points of my blog topic which is to show you real examples of how this works. We know that theory is great but it stands no chance of approvals if it does not work in practice, so here goes…
‘You just bought a new or used car’
Have you noticed how you now see the same make of car everywhere you go. You know this to be true because prior to buying this car you were not paying attention but suddenly your mind is so tuned to this make and model of car without you even knowing it or wanting it. Remember if you have been planning to buy this car for a long time, you will also see the same pattern, your senses to this car is heightened and you can fairly easily pick out this car without even trying. This also happens when you buy a car on a whim and you suddenly see these cars everywhere you go, even though if you are not looking out for it.
You have placed these thoughts and images in your head and so the real world observations becomes heightened with this specific car and you cannot help but see more of these cars everywhere you go. To increase your subconscious mind on a particular topic or interest, you simply have to conjure it up in your mind and play it back regularly as you do when you have just purchased a new car. The brain takes over and materializes the same thing playing in your mind, call it mumbo jumbo but you know it actually happens in practice and not just for cars.
‘I always find a solution to a problem when I have a good night sleep’
If you have been stuck with something, you often find that giving yourself giving a break that helps you to come back and solve whatever you were undertaking.
The mind needs ‘freedom of movement and expression’, which means that you can’t force the mind to come up with the problem whenever you feel like. Just like nature that always takes the path of least resistance and the most natural path, so does the mind. You need to ‘give in’ to your mind to come up with the answers and solutions. This is why yoga and meditation have been around for thousands of years, only because it works.
‘I was just about to call you and you called me’
How can someone possibly explain events like this! You may argue, sheer coincidence and a stroke of luck…or is it. Let’s do some simple maths here of the probability of such an event happening.
Let’s say that you had a friend who lives far off and you probably talk once a month and mostly at random times. For someone to make a call at a random point in time AND at the moment you are thinking of the same, say after one month has the statistical probabilities shown below…
Number of seconds in a month = 2,628,000
Probability of FRIEND calling you = 1 in almost 3 million
Probability of YOU calling friend = 1 in almost 3 million
Probability of YOU and FRIEND calling at the same time
= 2,628,000 x 2,628,000
~ 7 billion
The chances of this happening is 7 billion to one, that is more than that lottery!
So the chances that both at that moment in time are thinking the same way is 1 in 7 billion and you thought the lottery was difficult! The explanation of such a thing is because the mind operates in a manner we have little knowledge about. Who is to say all the undiscovered ‘waves’ that have not been found in space are a result of this. The truth is when the mind is settled and uninterrupted you could be doing a communication dance and links with other people and you become momentarily surprised. The mind is truly amazing, do not underestimate it’s value.
‘I was shocked at how everything came together’
You often hear stories of how an entire day or week events came together and you just cannot give any possible logical explanations to it. I will provide a fitting example of a friend of mine who shared a story regarding this. He told me that there were a number of excruciating events on that day where he needed to juggle some things around and then catch a flight. Without going into the details of the story, he was able to fit everything into that day and astonishingly he was able to make it to the flight when he was absolutely certain that he would be nowhere near it. As the day unfolded, he was aghast at how the events unfolded and there were glimmers of hope of everything coming together. What my friend did, was gave way to ‘nature’ since he probably thought the whole day’s feat was an impossible task and he just let it go. As he saw the day unfolding and things getting done he became increasingly positive and confident and he was able to achieve the impossible task of catching the flight. He looks back on the day and he simply cannot understand how the turn of events came about for all of it to happen!
What can we learn from his experience? A lot in fact.. what our minds are telling us is that if you have a purpose and desire and have at least a glimmer of hope of succeeding, you will be truly amazed and at how the mind and body can materialize those impossible tasks.
Stay tuned for more enlightening posts!
Brought to you by the ThinkTank Labs of Jumpdates.com
Wednesday, August 31st, 2016
If you have a date in New York, NY City or surrounding areas, then you will know that it is always a good idea to give yourself plenty of time for the commute to your dating location. If you are a native New Yorker, you probably will find some of this information redundant, however, you may find some uses for the new maps prepared for commuting easily on the subway of NY.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make is driving to your dating location, be it late at night or even weekends on Sundays, be prepared to sit in idle traffic for a long time! If you are coming out of state, it is always best to park your car in the suburbs close to where you are going and then just hop on the train or bus for the rest of the journey. Avoid driving at all possible costs unless you know that your dating partner resides on the outskirts of the city and I mean, really in the outskirts.
New York has always been busy, even if you go back 50 or 100 years and of course with time it just got even busier. It is only a question of time when NY implements the same requirements as London for drivers entering and leaving the city.
Most of us have gotten used to the subway and try to avoid buses altogether but you are at a miss if you do so. Restricting your commute to the subway will only lengthen your journey since you will have to do the remainder of your trip by foot. Many areas are several blocks or maybe 1-2 miles from the nearest subway. It is always best to know your bus routes. Ferdouse.com has conveniently put together maps for these exact benefits. Make sure you have it on the home page of your mobile phone. Here are the links…
Uber is a huge phenomena in NY with about 30,000 drivers signed up to the massive automated online system. Many of these drivers depend on their livelihood on this service. The cost is not usually much but can be expensive depending on what location you want to go to. Uber dynamically updates it’s price depending on the demand in particular areas and they provide this information as a color-coded map for the drivers. Some parts of Manhattan will light up in red during peak-times and you may end up paying twice the rate. However, generally the service is cheaper than the yellow or green cabs and the cars/drivers of Uber also need to be regulated by the NY Transport agency.
Not the best way to meet up with your date, although you can put a label on the rear of your seat saying ‘my other big bike is a Land Rover’ etc. If you plan to meet up for just coffee or a bite to eat than this may allow you to weave through traffic and reach your destination faster than cabs. NY has done a good job of making roads compatible with bikes and even City Bank now offers bicycles that you can rent dotted around the city.
However, you get to your destination, make sure you are fresh, clean and with some energy to enjoy with your date!
Monday, August 29th, 2016
We know to a certain extent that culture can play a vital part in the way we have been brought up and our personalities can reflect this. In the early stages of a relationship we may overlook those differences but as soon as the couple gets to really know each other, those differences can become challenging. I can’t help but give you a blatant expression of cultural differences depicted in the movie ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding’ released in 2002. This pokes much fun at the differences in culture including the parents mindset but it does sum up quite well how cultural differences can impact relationships.
Many a people have given advice on this subject and it’s usually in these lines, ‘marry into the same culture’. There is much truth to this statement because being brought up in a particular culture embeds into us specific values, behavior, what is tolerant etc and a host of other things. This shapes the way we think, behave, respond and of course the future mindset when it comes to partnering and getting married. Many couples of differing cultures will tell you that it was only over time that they overcame their differences and were able to adjust to each other. For the starry-eyed couples, take note since cultural values should not be looked at lightly.
In the example of the movie mentioned earlier, it was quite funny to watch how the woman was in no mood to be intimate with her American partner after what seemed like forever for the poor young man. Although it would be too stereotypical to say that the West have a leander understanding of what is considered intimate, nevertheless the cultural differences do play a significant part in relationship building. You may also say that religious viewpoints play a vital part in the courting and dating game. The oddity of religion is that it is often fashioned by the culture itself and intermingled with the cultural values of the environment live in. This may bring about a different opinion of thinking and understanding but not necessarily bespoke of religion.
Generally, if you are meeting someone from different cultural backgrounds, it is always a good idea to give yourself time and understand the differences. Apart from the cultural differences you also have to weigh the unique personality of the person you are dating. One of the reasons why some Eastern marriages work over a long period of time is that they have been wired to think in some way with regards to marriage and children. The initial ‘unknown’ glitzy and romantic entanglement makes way for a much more pragmatic, rigorous, down-to-earth, plain common sense approach to marriage. Maybe it is a good thing and maybe it is a bad thing. The point being that a couple needs to go in it for the long haul and not just for the romance.
It is perhaps for this reason why we are now choosing to marry late and some not to marry at all. The unfortunate fact of this matter is that for those who remain single, they will not be able to experience the joy and often frustrations that come about from marriage and children. Maybe it could be different to what you have seen as ‘second-hand’ or maybe you think you can do a much better job than your parents. However, it is almost impossible to know what it is like unless you have actually experienced it itself. Take for example, the famous question, ‘is it better to have loved and lost and not to have loved at all’ or ‘What is it like to hold your first born child in your arms for the very first time’.
Saturday, August 27th, 2016
Many of our jumpdates members are well educated as can be see by the audience and visitors measured by well known statistics sites such as google trends and alexa ratings. Just visit these sites to see how jumpdates.com attracts the types of audience.
Often, our members are looking for ways to self-improvement and self-development because they are aware of how important these are to attract the right partner in their lives. In that vein we have written hundreds of articles on this subject in our jumpdates blog. We have reaffirmed the importance of this quality from sources around the web.
Recently we have reviewed the popular book by Benjamin Spock on ‘Dr Spocks baby and Child Care’ - 9th edition. Although it talks about the birth of child and parents expectations etc. However, we could not help and marvel at some of the statements made early in the book which talks about how parent’s treat strictness and permissiveness in order to bring up a child. This section alone warrants a read by every adult as it has profound implications in the way we grow up as adults.
If you get a chance please read the section on page 48 ‘74. Parents who become confused with new theories’ which basically talks about how some parenting choose to bring up their children based on how they were brought up as a child. This is a must reading as it will provide you with insights to your thinking and help with self-improvement.
As mentioned before in our numerous blog posts, there are many reasons why we choose to behave the way we do and this largely stems from our upbringing. Dr Spock talks about how some of us can ‘change our theories’ from the ones we have been taught by our parents. How we do this has huge repercussions on the way we behave and how we expect to parent our own children. Just to give you an example, if we choose to give more permissiveness to the child based on our harsh and strict upbringing, we may be doing injustice to the child. The feelings of resentment my grow with time as you give in to the child on every whim which is not what you intended. What Spock indirectly says, is to bring a balance to the handling and upbringing of the child.
Dr Spock does not discourage strictness in bringing up a child but when it is done with overbearing harshness, chronically disapproving and make no allowance for the child’s age and individuality then it can be harmful. However, this line alone indirectly shows the personality of the adult and if we lean towards that kind of upbringing we really need to reach within ourselves and change.
Brought to you by the ThinkTank Labs of Jumpdates.com
Thursday, August 25th, 2016
We often use this word to justify someone’s character due to their behavior. However, the word has such a broad connotation and meaning that to label a person entirely as being selfish would not be justified or even qualified. To live in a society with that personality alone would be near impossible.. we would find ourselves deeply isolated from the real world.
So why do we consider other people are selfish?
Maybe when you have a need and the other person does not fulfill it, you immediately label the person as selfish. It could be that you are selfish to think so and expect the other person to happily go about doing what you ask. The point is, when you label someone ‘selfish’, try to put it into perspective and ask why they are being selfish.
Selfish is sometimes associated with arrogance.
We know that arrogant people (who think highly of themselves) are usually always making references to ‘me’ or ‘I’ and does not really pay attention to other folks. We may find these people selfish since their appearance and behavior is always pointing towards them. There are subtle differences here when we associate arrogance to folks who are very talkative and those who are not. You may make the mistake of a quiet person as less arrogant than the talkative part but this may not be true. The quiet person may be equally arrogant in their nature by not associating with other people or deliberately trying to keep away from interactions with other people. Their world will become topsy turvy if they don’t have control over their domain. As a result they can also appear selfish.
Assertiveness & selfishness.
Sometimes assertiveness is construed as selfish but the difference is that the assertive person is empathetic whereas the selfish person is not. A selfish person will normally never undertake a task that you ask them to do for whatever reasons whereas an assertive person will do the task whenever they can.
An assertive person does not have to forceful as the Oxford Dictionaries describe it, a better description is found in the Merriam-Webster dictionary.
confident and forceful behavior
confident in behavior or style
Oddly enough the first is from the UK and the second from here in the US. This can explain some of the general stereotypical personality traits between these two nations ie. one taking a negative stance on responses to ‘no’, whereas the other nation encourages this kind of behavior. We have heard the negativity of being two faced, maybe it is a result of how we assert ourselves. Anyways, this is probably another discussion of topic for another time.
One of the biggest things we can learn about ourselves is the ability to take control of how we react to an unpleasant situation from say a selfish person. We may feel hurt but out of that comes resentment and to alleviate our stress we start blaming other people for the way we feel. The best course of action is simply to appreciate that these people exist and they may offend you one way or another but make it a point that they may be having a bad day. Also reflect afterwards if the negative reaction was caused by you.