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The different meanings of the word selfish explained through personality traits

August 25, 20164:16 pm

We often use this word to justify someone’s character due to their behavior. However, the word has such a broad connotation and meaning that to label a person entirely as being selfish would not be justified or even qualified. To live in a society with that personality alone would be near impossible.. we would find ourselves deeply isolated from the real world.

Understanding selfishness with examples

Understanding selfishness with examples

So why do we consider other people are selfish?
Maybe when you have a need and the other person does not fulfill it, you immediately label the person as selfish. It could be that you are selfish to think so and expect the other person to happily go about doing what you ask. The point is, when you label someone ‘selfish’, try to put it into perspective and ask why they are being selfish.

Selfish is sometimes associated with arrogance.
We know that arrogant people (who think highly of themselves) are usually always making references to ‘me’ or ‘I’ and does not really pay attention to other folks. We may find these people selfish since their appearance and behavior is always pointing towards them. There are subtle differences here when we associate arrogance to folks who are very talkative and those who are not. You may make the mistake of a quiet person as less arrogant than the talkative part but this may not be true. The quiet person may be equally arrogant in their nature by not associating with other people or deliberately trying to keep away from interactions with other people. Their world will become topsy turvy if they don’t have control over their domain. As a result they can also appear selfish.

Assertiveness & selfishness.
Sometimes assertiveness is construed as selfish but the difference is that the assertive person is empathetic whereas the selfish person is not. A selfish person will normally never undertake a task that you ask them to do for whatever reasons whereas an assertive person will do the task whenever they can.
An assertive person does not have to forceful as the Oxford Dictionaries describe it, a better description is found in the Merriam-Webster dictionary.
Oxford Dictionaries:
confident and forceful behavior
confident in behavior or style

Oddly enough the first is from the UK and the second from here in the US. This can explain some of the general stereotypical personality traits between these two nations ie. one taking a negative stance on responses to ‘no’, whereas the other nation encourages this kind of behavior. We have heard the negativity of being two faced, maybe it is a result of how we assert ourselves. Anyways, this is probably another discussion of topic for another time.

One of the biggest things we can learn about ourselves is the ability to take control of how we react to an unpleasant situation from say a selfish person. We may feel hurt but out of that comes resentment and to alleviate our stress we start blaming other people for the way we feel. The best course of action is simply to appreciate that these people exist and they may offend you one way or another but make it a point that they may be having a bad day. Also reflect afterwards if the negative reaction was caused by you.

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How to say no without offending someone…

August 24, 201612:47 pm

We often have different viewpoints when someone suddenly says ‘no’ to us and as a result we might label them as selfish, arrogant or in some cases bold. On the opposite side, some cultures find it hard to say ‘yes’ as this can come across as offensive. For example when you are a guest and they ask you whether you want some ‘tea’ and you reply with a ‘yes’, this may come across as offensive in some cultures believe it or not.

Saying no takes some skill

Saying no takes some skill

Depending on what kind of relationships you are in, you may feel perfectly within your rights to ask your spouse to buy a gallon of milk on his way back after work. Receiving a ‘no’ response might elevate your emotions and lead to a fight. Again there are good and bad responses to this and is based on your perception of the event. For example, you might just curse your spouse and shout at him for thinking of giving that kind of response. You may feel ‘that was an odd reply, maybe you suddenly feel empathetic and ask ‘really, any reason’. Equally, the person who says ‘no’ can start off by giving good reasons first on why he should say ‘no’. For example, he could start with ‘I’m afraid I will be working late, you would need to pick it up or one of the kids can pick it up’.

The example above was a simple one but it shows how responses from both parties can be worded to avoid miscommunication or heated arguments. It is one of the reasons and and an often used tactic to test and provocate others by people who are skilled in this. Dare I say, it has been used effectively by the male gender to have more control over the opposite sex. It is always wise to listen and assimilate what is said to you before you respond. However, one is unable to stay in this mode of thinking when both parties known to each other are spontaneously engaged in a conversation. If you do most of the talking, you are most likely to be more vulnerable to criticisms as the person who says less.

There is the question of assertiveness that comes into play when saying no partly because you have been a yes person most of the time. Trying to be ‘nice’ and saying yes as opposed to a ‘no’ all the time labels you in the weak category by other people. In order to please others and forgo self-interest the person ends up agreeing to what others are saying. What has to be understood is that a ‘no’ is just an important part of the conversation and relationship as saying a ‘yes’ and is healthy. However, the way we say those are important.

Is there a singular solution to handling yourself in the best manner possible? Unfortunately, we humans are not alike, with some having much tolerance and becoming labeled as a ‘door mat’ whilst others with no patience are considered brash and selfish. Then it stands to reason that the middle ground is the best place to be.

Our machine algorithms developed by the ThinkTank Labs of Jumpdates has sifted through thousands of messages to find the word ‘no. We have learned some interesting tactics that members use to convey a ‘no’ to the other person. Stay tuned for more information on our findings.

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Trust - The importance of first and second hand information

August 23, 20169:00 am

When it comes to relationships we generally tend to make our opinions of somethings based on what people said. However, we all know from experience that second-hand information can be distorted and usually convoluted by the person who is conveying it.

Trust can be handled if you know how

Trust can be handled if you know how

When I was young maybe 10 years of age, our English teacher played a fun game with us kids. She had all the kids about 20 of them lined up and would whisper into the ears of one of the kids at the end. That kid needed to whisper the same thing that the teacher had said to the kid next to him/her. Once the message got to the last kid in the line he had to say loudly what he heard. We would all burst out laughing when the teacher would actually tell us the short sentence that she whispered to the first kid. It was amazing to see how the original message go so distorted. Occasionally the first kid would even pick up the message incorrectly from the teacher, it was not that she was trying to make it sound inaudible or anything.

The example above just goes to show that messages get distorted when passed from one person to another. The motto of this example is that you can never know the complete truth until you have first hand experience of it. Have you noticed how people convey information about a movie they have just watched and when you get to see it, you feel that the person had left the most important information out of it? The same is true of when people come to you and talk about anything, it is always colored with their personality and event factual statements may be distorted. This is where witnesses in courts always seem to be in loggerheads in discussing about the events they witnessed.

Take another real example. A person entrusts family members around her to give information related to some assets held in another country. So the person becomes completely and entirely dependant on the individual for the information related to their assets. It would be very easy for the individual if they so wished, to somehow ‘manipulate’ the information that is passed onto the family member. In reality the person who is receiving this information may never get the truth to the information that is being handed down to them because it is being ‘controlled’ by the person who is delivering it. These kind of miscommunication or mistrust often results in dissolution of businesses, breakup in relationships, mistrust in people and much cause for conflicts between people.

One of the endearing quality that some of us have, is that we tend to make the assumption that everyone else tends to think or behave in the same way we do. Many folks go through disillusionments and eventually wake up to the realization that people are just different to them. Trust is such an important quality for all of us to work together in pursuit of greater goals in life. There are people amongst us who take trust to their advantage like the example given previously but one can also lay some blame to the person who completely entrusted the person for that information. In life one has to be aware of good and bad and this can be easily blinded by faith and trust in others that bring about so much frustrations, headaches and often heartbreaks in our lives.

Is there are simple solution that people can follow that will enable them to detect the good from the bad or the bad from the good? Unfortunately, every issue/event that comes across in our lives are different and the way we handle it can develop trust or resentment in others. One cannot be on ‘guard’ all their lives otherwise the whole living thing becomes a ‘chore’ rather than something to look forward to. Next time you become critical of someone that you have crossed paths with, ask yourself how this could have been avoided. This could be a good starting point in maintaining your sanity with people around you and learning how to deal with them and making yourself even better prepared to take on the world.

Brought to you by…
Jumpdates ThinkTank Labs

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Traveling abroad to meet your loved one, here is a simple way you can save in online air fares

August 22, 20165:58 am

Many folks take the internet for granted and they happily open up their browsers and go hunting for cheap online fares. What you don’t know and not always astute to is the ways browsers and websites interact with each other and they can paint a different picture when it comes to pricing.

Airline fares accurate - cookies

Airline fares accurate? - use of browser cookies

For example, let’s say you went to these online airfare checker sites and they are many of these and you decide to look up fares but have not decided. You will most likely see the fares change with each day. However, the question is, are the fares a reflection of the market movement in prices or because the website knows you through your cookies when you come and visit the site.

You won’t be surprised at the alarming way that Google is able to track you when it comes to pushing ads to your face. Say, you went to an online ecommerce store and you surf around the net, you will most likely see the same ad show up time and time again. These are all done through the cookies.

In the same way, websites that offer you deals on airline prices will most likely be able to tell if you are revisiting the site from looking up the cookies that is embedded to your browser. Remember cookies are not a bad thing, they are a way to enable websites to hold your last session and as such and can be used by websites (safely) to provide you with richer user experience. However, the airline fare checker sites can leverage this knowledge to push ‘new prices’ to you based on how frequently you have visited the site. They will also consider the fear-mongering trick of how late you leave the ticket towards your flight date to push higher prices. Heck, airline, hotels, cars and other businesses have been doing this for years!

So how to overcome this ‘shadowing’ that airline, hotel price checker sites use? Very simple, just open up a new browser and do the same search again. I usually have Google Chrome, Firefox and Opera on my Windows 10 machine. I can also delete the browser history which will also clear your cookies cache, check with the browser that you are using. Just today, I saw a price hike from a company (who I won’t bad mouth) from the yesterday’s prices and then I did the same search on another browser and lo and behold completely different prices!

Brought to you by
Jumpdates ThinkTank Labs.

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How to tell someone’s personality by the way they drive

August 19, 20163:08 pm

There is a lot to be said of determining personality traits by the actions and behavior of people and nothing can be more true by observing the way they drive.
Here are a few (and sometimes amusing) ways to sum up people’s personalities

Driving and Personality

Driving and Personality

1. The impatient and restless driver
Almost all of these drivers can be seen being provocated at the slightest hint of a traffic jam or someone who cut’s in, slow or appears to be causing traffic jams. Unfortunately, these kinds of people always seem to be in a hurry and have no time for others.

2. The over-cautious driver
These people like to stay to themselves and rarely say much during a conversation and their driving is a reflection of that. Since they like solitude, going out to the open road seems a terrifying experience for them since they have no choice but to wrestle with their external surroundings. They take extra precaution to stay zealously close to what is in front of their nose as opposed to the whole environment. Their driving is unappreciated by other passengers.

3. The cool driver
You can imagine what type of personality that this driver possesses. These people are generally young and have little experience on the road. Experienced drivers will know how important it is to drive safely no matter what the personality. They are almost always not the ones that you would go into the car with since you will likely be holding tightly to your seats and giving sighs of relief from hairline misses with other cars. As you can guess, these people are probably the talkative types and loves to impress especially their opposite sex.

4. The analytical driver
These personalities are likely to belong to more mature people and often the one that you find the most comfortable being a passenger. They are not the talk of the town or go out to impress, they are very grounded, maybe boring but always grounded and gives good advice.

In the same way that you can extract personality traits through people’s driving there are other behavior characteristics that you can derive from many other activities. It’s usually a result of the fact that one cannot ‘fake’ their actions or behavior over a particular area of expertise. Take for example the people’s differences when it comes to how they handle their crockware after eating. For example, do they immediately wash up or do they leave it on the side. Do they move the other crockery out of the way without washing to do their own. There is a lot to appreciate in those types of behavior alone.

Next time when you go out on a date, try to observe their behavior in their driving, eating or doing some kind of activity, it can reveal interesting things about the person you are dating.

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