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Isn’t it funny how you’ll meet someone and you’re really not too enthused with them, only to follow the yellow brick road in spite of yourself just out of curiosity, and you fall head over heels in love with them? Well Mac, that’s the story.

I took a chance and met a man from DH. My first impression was oh my god this man never shuts up. Looks were decent enough, but not really my cup of tea. He seemed to be be of a nervous temperament. I wasn’t sure if it was just because of this first date or if that was simply how he is. Gees- that date was such a blur, I can’t even really remember what happened. All I know is that although I was not exactly crazy about him, I felt strongly that I had to stick it out and try to make a go of it.

Before we met, we spent many days texting each other like a couple of nut cases. We both felt a kinship, a strong pull toward each other. We discovered that we had quite a bit in common, things that matter most after the new wears off. I have one kid, he has one kid. I was not looking to start a new family with more children, neither was he. I am a terrific cook and a self-professed foodie, so is he. I love garlic, so does he. I enjoy spontaneous, off the beaten track things and places, so does he. I love all sorts of music, so does he. I can have a great time without spending a tremendous amount of dough, so can he. I’m looking for someone permanent, someone to love who will love me, someone to laugh with and go home to after a crappy day at work, so does he. I demand honesty and faithfulness, so does he. On and on it goes. We fell in love before we even met.

But then when we met, it was beyond awkward. It wasn’t what we built it up to be. But he was very clearly smitten with me, and I knew somehow instinctively that I was to stick it out and give it a real try, that my feelings would grow and grow quickly. OK.

Kissing was disastrous. His idea of a great kiss was an almost non-existent, propeller-like tongue on turbo, while mine was slow, full and erotic. Everything about him was like Robin Williams on speed. But still… I was strangely compelled to see this through. Things happened and it helped break us past a lot of the initial weirdness, though we didn’t quite get to do everything we wanted to do for reasons I just won’t get into. Still, we were operating on totally different wavelengths, different speeds.

So the next day he goes home, and we resume our text romance. I am not a phone person, that is to say I hate talking on the phone. It’s a fate worse than death, I’d rather catch the bubonic plague than be stuck on the damn phone. I don’t care how hot and heavy I am for you. Unless you’re dying in the hospital with a railroad spike through your kidneys, don’t call me. But I can text you three ways to Sunday until my fingers bleed out.

Next date: His place. He leaves the place unlocked and I go in and make myself at home. I get ready for him, I want him to be a happy man when he comes back from work. He comes in, takes a shower and fun time begins! This time we actually consummated our new burgeoning relationship and officially became an exclusive item. Things were much better, but we had some serious talks that were not all love-n-light fluffy-fluffy. He kept mentioning his ex. Over and over and over again. And then again. That got old real quick and so I stuck it to him and told him, “I’m not going to be your rebound girl. That’s not why I’m here”. He was naturally a bit perturbed and didn’t quite know how to react. Anyway, we got past that but it was really uncomfortable. The thickness in the air was suffocating.

I left early that morning and went home. He was coming out the next day. When he came out, it was strange, the feeling between us. We just didn’t quite know what to do to get past it.

So anyway, back at the hotel… I brought some snacks and wine. We talked, but it just wasn’t going anywhere. He said that he just came down here to break it off, which was a load of crap. He came down here to see where else it was going. To test the waters. And in that instant I learned something very telling about him. This man cannot handle the very thought that someone will leave him. HE has to be the one to do the leaving. He cannot deal with being the leavEE. If he even thinks he smells an ending coming, he very quickly hijacks the situation and changes it to suit himself and tries to assure you it was his idea all along. Lol. And if you’re a nice person, you’re just expected to sit their, nod your head and go along with it. As I told him, he is very much a cat that must always land on his feet, no matter how he is tossed around. So I was going to let it go. I was going to let him have his way. He’s weird. Roll of the eyes. Good riddance. Maybe the next one will be normal. Sayonara, Sweetheart.

I went to use the restroom in this very well appointed little room and all the sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks. A surge of heat like nothing I’d ever known shot through me like I’d been struck by lightening. Like a mac truck out of control running me down! I was suddenly seized with emotion and the paralyzing realization that I can’t let this man go! We need to be together! I don’t have any idea what it was that possessed me in that instant, but it was all powerful and I had to obey. I realized that beside all that we had in common, I loved him! Oh my God. Impossible! I love this man! I loved his crazy silver hair and the cadence of his speech. I loved his silliness and found it refreshing and unique! I loved his stories and ramblings and was even amused by them on occasion! I loved his weird kisses and how he held me for hours upon hours! Oh, how I loved the sound of his voice! I loved that he was well traveled and so enjoyed his time tinkering away on model airplanes! I love him! Oh my god! I was shaking and couldn’t catch my breath! So out of the bathroom I emerged with a totally different energy radiating from me then how I went in. It took me a while to get the words out. I didn’t tell him I loved him, though I desperately wanted to. But I did tell him…

“This is absolutely ridiculous Brad, and you know it. We are both acting just like children. It’s a game. It’s a stupid game to see what buttons we can press to get a reaction. How far we have to go to make the other one say Uncle. You know very good and well you don’t want to end it. And you know damn well as I do that you didn’t come here to do that. So stop it. Both of us need to just knock it off. I’m not letting you go. There is just too much to throw away. There are too many reasons we should be together, and you know it.”

He didn’t have much to say, for once. He knew I called his bluff and that I was absolutely right. He was relieved that I wouldn’t let him end it. And I was ecstatic that I still had him in my life. The rest of his time with me was wonderful. We spent the entire rest of the day and all of the night lost in each other.

Let’s fast forward through the next endless cluster of days and thousand texts. Now I come to his house again. Things are moving quickly. Truly too quickly. But I am ever so curious to see where all this leads, so my resolve is to be totally open to it all, embrace it fully and run with it.

I was there for two days, and there were many ups and downs. He made dinner one night, I made dinner the next. Then he made breakfast for me the following morning and I shared some of my peculiar music with him. It just can’t be Megadeath all the time. Sometimes a girl just needs elevator music. Oh, Paul Muriat. What mad dreams we share!

I want to move to the Salem area for work and and getting a place. I made it clear that I was only planning on Salem because of him. In my line of work, I can go anywhere, and he is the only reason I chose Salem. We often talked about the future. How we were planning on a real future together. Our kids, our families. The whole nine yards.

Then… I have no idea what I did wrong. What I said. We were laying in bed, lazy after-lovemaking Saturday morning, all deliciously entangled in each other. He then began telling me how he just doesn’t want to do this anymore, he doesn’t have any real feelings for me, doesn’t have anything to offer me, no money, no stability. He’s still in love with his ex, blah, blah, blah. Then he went on to say that he just waited to see me in person to tell me it was over. ??? Never mind the fact that I’d been there for two days and everything was plugging along just peachy (Yes, there were awkward moments and ups and downs in the period. That is normal and to be expected). That’s exactly what he said last time, but last time he was full of shit and I called him on it. This time… I just don’t know. I have no clue what I did or said. I simply replied, “OK”. I got dressed. He reluctantly checked my car out, the check engine light was on and naturally I have no idea about these things. And before I left, he told me in a very cold, forced, eye-rolling, obligatory manner that if something happens to my car on the way home, that it was OK for me to call him. ????

So there it is. There is my story about the one I took a chance on. The whole way home my mind was racing and my heart was shattered into a thousand unrecognizable pieces. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream! I wanted to know what I’ve done! Everything was fine. Perfectly fine. Then without any warning… POOF! He ended it.

You know, this really broke my heart. I couldn’t eat for days after this. I truly fell in love with this man. I still love him. I wish like hell that he didn’t do what he did. I am not sure if he was expecting everything to be a fairytale, or if maybe he was expecting a woman with money who would rescue him from his poverty situation. I don’t know. I hate to think that. I hate to think that I was totally used and that he was full of crap from the beginning.

So here I am, back on the sites. There isn’t much of a choice. Life hands you two options: Sink or swim. Doesn’t seem fair, but who ever said that life was fair? We’ve all got our story, don’t we? We all know the song.