Posts Tagged ‘relationship book’
Thursday, November 22nd, 2012
Title Hooking Up
Author- Kathleen A Bogle
With changing times, the laws of society with regards to what is acceptable have also changed considerably. Earlier just a peep of the stocking was shocking but today anything can go and won’t be as shocking. Values have changed and the change can be definitely scary. Finding mates was monitored by the family and society which forbade intercourse until marriage and there was a limit to physical interaction too. Today what we see are many teenagers that have already lost their virginity by 18.
Dating was a norm for the lower class but it was a way to rebel for the upper class. They went on a date away from the watchful eyes of the girl’s mother. The mother usually decided if the guy was good for her daughter or not and only if he had a good futures could he could get married. All this changed as romance took place and sex was the topmost of the minds of most youngsters. Men were seeking sexual gratification while women were looking to get expensive gifts and money with attention splurged on them.
Earlier, the mother controlled who her daughter met; it changed to the peers deciding the power and degree of sexual intimacy. Dating in college has no boundaries as a lot of women too started going to the same colleges as the guys. Hooking up became more fun and frolicking rather than a romantic and intimate relationship.
Sleeping with the partner overnight is a choice of the individual and is perfectly acceptable without any undue attention. Some may choose to sleep over, some may prefer to go back home. Each person can decide the level of intimacy that is permitted by them. There are no set norms and each is free to decide depending on their own beliefs.
Developing a serious relationship is least probable from a hook up. Hook ups are just casual spending time together with no intention of a serious relationship. Of course some may develop into a serious one but most of them don’t.
The trend to marrying later in life is probably responsible for this hookup culture. With so much freedom of thought and action available today, men and women indulge in sexual interaction for the fun of it and not with any emotions involved. They are clear when they want to marry and what type of a partner they want. Hooking up is just a way of life amongst the students today.
Few students are not part of the hookup group as they may probably be in a relationship already or their religious beliefs do not allow them to enter into such intimate physical relationships. There can be no generalization on the hookup scenario.
The 1970s can be called the era of sexual revolution where women learned to embrace their sexuality. This bought a change in cultural behavior. Men and women both indulged in double standards as the confusion regarding sexual relationships kept changing.
It tells us the difference between dating and hooking up and where this trend has lead to the students of today. This book provides a fantastic insight into the thinking process of the college student’s generation.
What We Can Learn
Dating trends changed with the times. Dating that was monitored by the elders in the family got influenced by peers. Hooking up can be defined as spending time with someone and indulging in physical interaction without emotional content. Physical interaction could mean just kissing or even sexual intercourse. Racial minorities and very religious minded students have successfully kept away from the free thinking hooking up era.
Hooking up is a vague term and is used by students to define various sexual activities. It is a path to a romantic relationship with no guarantee of commitment. It is not necessary to know the person prior to hookup. You may meet that person that very evening and just decide to spend time together.
Know the difference between hookup and dating. Follow your mind to know the subtle difference and its consequences. What are the double standards when you fall into a physical relationship, understand them so that you are not hurt and you are more emotionally balanced.
Dr Dato’s Comments
Dating was a culture until the 1920s. The girl’s mother decided who her daughter could meet and identified the qualities of the potential guy whether he was suitable for marriage. The guy had to visit the family when invited by her mother and follow a set of protocols. With time this changed when the man and the women decided to meet outside the house. This was a rebellious behavior which gave the young men and women the power to decide their paths in life.
With this new found freedom, the norms of dating changed. This casual relationship with the opposite sex was generally called hook up. Hook up can cover the extremes like just going for a movie together or having sexual intercourse.
Women are more emotional and they search for a commitment in a relationship. Men are just fine with casual sexual relationships. Women when hooking up must keep the consequences in mind and understand the guy’s thinking. The guy is looking out for a casual physical relationship with no strings attached. If only the one night stand is acceptable to your mind, women should go ahead with this hook up or they are heading towards depression.
The hook up scenario is based on physical attraction only. After a few drinks at the college party, the men and women find each other more attractive. This physical attraction leads to spending time together and results in a physical intimacy instant sexual gratification.
Condition your mind that this is just a one night relationship and do not expect any commitment from either partner.
4 out of 5 points as this book explains well the whole concept of hookup that is followed at college campus around the world . A must read for all students and even those in a relationship to be able to identify the thinking process of college goers.