Successful Dating Relationships Always Starts with You - Dr Dato’s Insight
One of the problems that we often face when we first start dating is how our expectations of the person can change over time. In a healthy relationship, the changes should be for the better but many of us can find themselves becoming more frustrated and not really understanding why. In addition to understanding the ‘signs’ that are evident in your partner and discovering the early signs of relationship compatibility which Dr Phil mentions there are more fundamental things that we need to focus on. These points came to me when I was watching Dr. Phil speaking to the hosts of the ABC show ‘The View’.
In one part of the interview, Dr Phil was told that the host (she) never came across such types of (manipulating) people in her life. Dr. Phil replied that this was because she was a very smart woman. I will go further on this point and start with the famous quote ‘birds of a feather flock together’. This to me means, ‘you will attract the persons in your life that are basically an extension of your personality’. Let me explain…
People who end up with a high quality of friends in their social circles without these destructive people because they essentially chose to do so. By their very personality, they will only attract good people and the people who want to pray on these people will find it hard to do so. So how exactly do these people achieve this point in life where they only have desirable people in their lives. For many people, the process is instinctive and people learn from an early stage and apply this to their daily lives. What about the other folks? For some of us, we need to change and train our ‘own thinking’ and we can only do this if we are realistic about ourselves. It essentially boils down to individuals who are confident and their own appreciation of self-worth (self-esteem). This is the reason why many folks who fall prey to ‘manipulating players’ are lacking in self-esteem but often the good advice stops there. It then becomes a subjective matter of how to increase your self-esteem where many books have been written on this subject. Self-esteem in my opinion cannot be taught in a rote manner.
Self-esteem (self worth) is increased only by your ability to appreciate yourself without anyone telling you how to do this. Take for example, when you pick up a hobby, your confidence in how far you pursue this hobby is only determined by you and no one else. When it comes to dating, many of us make the mistake of ‘advocating change within yourself’ through your dating partner. This profoundly changes the relationship where you can become a puppet for others to take advantage of you. Your ability to believe in yourself throughout the relationship and your stance in the relationship will determine the outcome of the relationship. Many of us with low self-esteem expects their dating partner to lift them out of their what they think is crummy life of an existence and show them a star studded life. Notice, how the responsibility of relationship now rests on your dating partner. It naturally follows that the ‘the power’ play is handed over to your dating partner who essentially has control over your lives. It is then an easy task for anyone versed in the art of seduction and manipulation to take full advantage of you. Consider yourself very lucky and fortunate if you fall into this category but your partner does not take advantage of your situation.
Some women make the mistake of shifting to the extreme where they become too adversary in their relationship and this naturally leads to frustrations in the relationship. One needs to re-examine themselves and understand what it is about them that leads to the wrong types of relationships. This is the best starting point and it will help you assess how YOU need to change that will attract the right kind of people into your lives.
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This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 20th, 2012 at 5:47 am and is filed under Dating Help for All, Dating and Relationship Advice. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.