Squabbles between couples are a good thing - image courtesy classic105.com

It is a well known fact that some of the gender differences are known to scientists and psychologists alike. One of these differences lies in how a man or a woman use their cognitive abilities that they are inherently born with and apply it to their daily lives. Women are considered more instinctual thinkers and think of details whereas men are more pragmatic in the way they reach their conclusions. So who is right and who is wrong. It would be a complete waste of time and energy to deduce one gender is greater in some respects than man. However, we cannot argue the fact that this is definitely a man’s world. ‘It would be nothing without a woman or a girl’, the lyrics of the famous artist and singer James Brown, ‘It’s a Man’s, Man’s Man’s World’.

To argue over the instinctual nature of women and the logical sense of men would be futile in exercise and like comparing apples and oranges. The right approach to these differences is to understand how these differences can work together to bring about something greater than by itself. The gnawing and thrashing of couple squabbles is in actual fact a good thing. This usually arrives from polarized views in their thinking ie. the instinctual versus the logic. What many people don’t realize that each time you arrive at an agreement from those squabbles there is a greater awareness and understanding of cooperation between couples. This should be a goal and known fact from the social interaction of couples. However, there is a BIG catch for this to work smoohtly and effectively. If one feels defeated and bitter over an argument, the couple’s relationship may take a path for the worse. What can possibly be good from one party having been defeated over their arguments by a decisive win by the other party. All couples should take note. It is a marriage of co-operation and both have to give and take without harboring ill feelings between each other.

Unfortunately, in the ideal world we are not made to act or react in such a way depending of course on the topic of arguments or discussion. Our opinions and arguments stem from the way we have been brought up and the way we shape our personalities from our internalized experiences. But the truth remains that we have some qualities and values that we can always aim for in order to make ourselves better than what we are. These traits have been passed through generation after generation and they can come in any shape or form ie. cultural, religious, spiritual, hardship etc. But there are common threads of human qualities that we put head and shoulders above the rest. These include sincerity, generosity, kindness, integrity amongst others. If we are true to those values than I will make a bold a statement that the world would be cured of 99% of the problems we see facing today.

So the lesson learned is that the next time you come out of an argument, make sure you have the empathy in check so that both individuals have gained something positive out of the argument.

Tags: couples, fights, insights, quarrelling

We have come of age in rendition of CGI (computer generated imagery) and it becomes apparent when you watch the Disney’s latest movie ‘The Jungle Book’ by director Jon Favreau and starring Neel Sethi, Bill Murray and Ben Kingsley as the leading voiceovers.
Released globally this year 2016.

The Jungle Book - 2016

I wouldn’t say it is completely animation, but the rendition of cgi characters are almost unreal to watch. It is one movie where the director has simply gone through every detail to prevent us from second guessing whether the image is animated or real. This to me is the most striking technical achievement of this movie and deserves to be in the ranks of Matrix, Avatar and other technical greats.

The movie is simply delightful to watch and you will not feel one second of boredom creep in as you journey through the fantastic world of the jungle with Mowgli. The characters are so wonderfully portrayed and blends beautifully with the whole story that you become part of the journey. The movements of the animals especially when Shere Khan plants himself on top of the meeting point for the wolves is just uncannily real. You can tell that animal movements as we see in real-life were exactly mimicked from every one of the senses known to man - sound, sight, movement, smell.. you name it, they thought of it.

I would recommend this movie to anyone of any age group. You will be immersed in another world for 2 hours and is a great watch for couples.

Tags: Disney, Family movie, The Jungle Book

Final notes on the subject ‘Change your reference point - change your world’. We are making a complete course material on this subject and soon to be released as a downloadable ebook. Watch this space!

Change your life - Change your reference point

We discussed how to handle the complex situations of using the method of ‘reference pointing’. The techniques are simple and anyone can use them, you just need to apply it on a routine basis. The benefits are significant compared to using other techniques which usually give the same repetitive message again and again.

Still, there are many folks who just don’t have the time to go to these lengths and for them, the path is also simple, you basically know your own reference points and change the world around you. You may do this very selfishly as many of the most successful people on earth. Take Trump as an example and he clearly typifies the arrogant and self-serving interest and followed this path.

Contrary to what most people think, the fact that ‘normal’ people would like to associate the departure characterized by these people who can be considered ‘abnormal’, should be an easy fix. This could not be far from the truth, it is the very wide departure in their thinking that constitutes the many negative ‘complexities’ of the mind that causes them to behave in such a way. Hence the fix is equally more hard and a uphill battle. You just have to see examples in your own life where the constant irrational behaviours that are so obvious are actually the hardest to fix.

A key factor in attempting to understand the differences in human behavior is not to ‘reference’ their behaviour with yours. You could say that this inevitable when you are living with someone or have to live your daily lives with such people. It’s an important concept to understand. The true psychologist comes across as very cold and for very good reasons. The do not ‘exert’ their opinions or views on the behavior they are trying to characterize otherwise it would be completely detrimental to the patient’s treatment. Their simple treatment is for the patient to dig deep and understand their own deficiencies or lack of understanding. It is only through this that they can better themselves. Now you can understand why the ‘reference point’ is so essential to self-improvement.

Along with ‘reference points’ comes another important concept called ‘detachment’.
So here is something important to consider. By exerting your thoughts and beliefs on others can only lead to disaster and the person most affected by this is the one who is trying to exert the thoughts and beliefs onto others. Think about it, you become frustrated by other people’s reactions and behavior and your brain attempts to bring some sensible conclusions towards this. For example, you end up cursing the others for being so and you wonder how they came to be like this. You derive negative thoughts that can try to explain the situation away by implanting personality disorders and there alike. When you find yourself in that situation, you will exercise what you have learnt by departing yourself from the events and folks. Say to yourself that they have reference points on their scales and that simply does not tally with yours. So what do you do first, you calm yourself down and remind yourself of the reference points that both of you are at.

Over time, you will see that others can look very favorably upon you and in fact listen to you with this kind of reaction. However, don’t get roped into discussions with them if you feel that their reference points are too much departed from yours. You need to make the decision whether you want to help those folks sincerely and genuinely which will take time and energy on your part. Or if you simply want to move forwards. Remember, that you should feel happy that you have triggered this kind of reactions in such individuals where others have failed over rational arguments. Remember, in one ear and out the other year which they have heard from many others. If they see a change and indifference behavioural pattern in you, then they are likely to change. It is surprising that I learned this technique long time ago, but it is hardly discussed by positive thinkers and almost always mentioned by the way. This is where you can see that reference point brings a whole bag of reasonings as to why you felt the way and did what you did. Now with this ammunition under your belt, you can now truly shape your life from your own perspective and not someone else’s.

We hope you enjoyed this six part series on practical methods and techniques where you can take your life back and make all those important changes. The techniques are not derived from ‘positive thoughts only’ but from a real perspective to understand where you are in life, in essence your own reference point.

Please add your comments below and let us know if the ebook would be of interest to you, so we can mail out a notification and link as soon as it is ready!

Warmest regards,
Jumpdates think-tank

Tags: change life, ebook, reference point, self-improvement

Continuing on this six part series, we now present part five which talks about the complex situations where you cannot find a path forward.

Difficult situations can be solved through new 'references'

Firstly, here is some differentiation that I will make with what people refer to as ‘gut feelings’ or intuition and their conscious thinking. What I mean is the ability to understand the intuition and gut feelings for what it is but also to understand the rationale thinking that goes behind this. The mistake that many people make is that they rely entirely on their gut feelings and take no course of action which is why their incident is played out again and again, like a broken record.

What needs to be done is understand that those intuitive thinking and gut feelings are triggers for your rational mind to take some kind of action. It does not mean that your reactionary response is the sufficient and final response, you will have a wave of thoughts afterwards and due to our heightened reactions we often ignore those altogether. Your body and mind is alerting you to some kind of instinctive thoughts flooding your head and you need to take heed of this as well as your thoughts the moments after.

Here the techniques of ‘reference pointing’ becomes exceptionally important and very useful to mitigate harmful or stagnant reactions that follow. So much so, that you could say that this the area of application where this technique can bring about the greatest improvement in your lives.

Let’s follow an example that would help us to better apply this technique. Say that a couple constantly argues over a specific point. That is to say that we are creatures of habit and some arguments are required for a healthy relationship but anything that leads to much stress and frustration are not. A typical example would be that your partner is always late in getting ready to go out and this drives you mad. Typically, the opponent may do the following…

Huff and puff until he/she cools down
Decides to tell the other party to be ready by a certain time and fibs about the actual time
Outrightly tells the other person of his/her frustration of being constantly late
Use contempt and try to do the same with the other party

You can see how this can pan out and many couples would frustratingly wave their heads and say nothing has worked.

I will give you another example of someone’s constant irritating behavior to others and what others find offensive that they just do not understand this person’s behavior. When you find yourself in a situation like this just remember, this is the exact form of ‘study’ regarding reference points that you can possibly hope to encounter and it will lead to greater understanding. You will know that this person is at ills with their own perception of thoughts and thinking and it does not always tally with the real world. So how does ‘reference pointing’ help in this matter? Very simple…

If you understand the techniques of reference points, where everyone internalizes their behaviour with other people, you will know how to go about either helping or shifting your energies away from negative to positive. From a psychological point of view, these people have deep seated fears about the real world and their way of attacking people and the rest of the world is designed to cover up those insecurities. Now that you understand this point, you will know that there is no one that can help them with this kind of problem except themselves. They are the most likely candidates to go to the next stage of depression since they have not grappled with their inner perceptions and tallied it with the rest of the world. If they did comprehend the techniques of ‘reference pointing’, there maybe a chance to help them.

So the key to ‘reference pointing’ in complex situations such as shown above is to detach yourself from the incident or event. Basically to fully grasp the benefits of ‘reference pointing’, you need to understand another crucial concept of detachment. You cannot make it personal and then you can truly be in a position to truly change yourself AND then others.

So a simple exercise when you come across those situations is to first ‘detach’, ‘understand’ and to jot down your thoughts on paper. The order is very important to bring more perspective to the situation. In Part six of this article we will breakdown the specifics of how to train yourself with these techniques and then you should be able to tackle the world head-on and move with confidence and vigor that you never thought possible. Stay tuned for more…

Tags: improve life, reference pointing, self-improvement

We at Jumpdates like to review movies that can help our relationships or anything that brings more insight or awareness to help in a relationship. One such movie is ‘Tree of Life’ directed by Terence Malick starring Brad Pitt, Sean Penn and Jessica Chastain, released in 2011.

Brad Pitt with son in the movie - Tree of Life (2011)

If there ever was a movie that had two polarized ratings, one being exceptional and the other being ‘would not watch with a barge pole’, this was such a movie. See for yourself from the almost 1000 ratings of this movie in IMDB.

This short review is not to argue whether the film should grace the silver screen or not but more from human and aesthetics quality that it portrays. Indeed this movie delivers on so many fronts and as one reviewer had indicated that the entire film can be seen from so many angles that it can leave you awestruck. The haunting melody and the images that plays around a family living in Waco, Texas in the 50’s is almost like a magical journey in spirituality and faith and places a heavy question to our very existence. It is a film not to everyone’s liking and I can fully understand some viewers distaste while others try to grapple in it’s intensity and meaning.

Unfortunately, if you want to look for a plot that has more earthy bearings, than this is not the one. What we can take away from this is that we are minute organisms in the vastness of the space and is there a higher meaning and purpose. Frankly speaking, Malick who directed this movie attempts to make that crossing from our small world to a world much larger than us. It is an attempt to show that we are insignificant in comparison to the universe and it’s mighty forces, but when go through our daily lives it becomes less so but Malick tries to bridge that connection. I believe it is an expressive movie to make us think bigger than what we really are and for some of us to step outside of our own pathetic existence. Did he succeed or not? That is open to interpretation, like one very famous quote said, ‘when the student is ready, the master will appear’.

Tags: 2011, Brad Pitt, relationships, spiritual, Tree of Life