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Developing successful relationships - Happiness - Continued study by Dr Dato

Thursday, November 22nd, 2012

In my previous articles, we discussed the importance of really taking a good look at yourself when it comes to dating other people. Unless you fall into the category of a total narcissist, you probably will not be able to appreciate your shortcomings that easily.

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Understanding Narcissism- Helping you to better yourself - Dr Dato’s Insight - Part 1

Wednesday, November 21st, 2012

You probably have heard the word narcissism used to characterize particular groups of people who are very egotistical, arrogant and generally tend to be males. Women however, can also display strong characteristics of this personality trait. Not many people know that all of us have some degree of narcissistic behavior within us and it is important how this behavior can affect our external behavior with other fellow human beings. Understanding narcissism is important in relationships as it will help you better understand yourself and help in your relationship building.



Narcissistic personality disorders usually stems from a person who feels that they are always the center of attention. They usually don’t have any empathy towards other persons and their lives always revolves around them. As a result, they are usually arrogant, always value their opinions over others and feel they have a right to entitlement. A quick and good test to see if you border on narcissistic characteristics is to take the online test from here…

I happen to take this test and scored 12, which is on the normal scale (:-). However, when I looked at my test for the areas where I scored high, I found that it was in the area of wanting attention to power. This is understandable since I do know that i have to exercise some power over the things I do in my everyday life. I constantly strive to improve myself and push myself so I can discover not only more about myself but able to get things done rapidly. This can come out as a power-struggle in some of the people I work with and I always know that I have to balance this character with the abilities and hopes of others. The quiz also explains that a score of 18 can signify that you are a celebrity where your attention is normally focused on themselves. A score above 18 can signify strong narcissistic qualities which you may need to address. I do encourage you to take the test to see the kind of things you have a tendency to do more than usual so you get a better insight into yourself.

In relationships, where one of the partners is a narcissists the relationship could become strained and it is up to each one of us to do something about it. It is a commonly held belief that a narcissist will pair up with someone who has low self-esteem. Usually men with their aggressive dominant behavior can be instantly attracted by women who are usually more subservient. However, over time as they become more accustomed to their personalities and grow to learn more about each other, their maybe a departure from their original personalities and blame ensues as the relationship develops. Please review the recent article on self-esteem where the topic of narcissism can be thinly veiled within a relationship.

A Visual Aid to understanding Narcissism and the world you live in

In order to better understand how we view ourselves within our environment, I have created a few illustrations to help us appreciate our shortcomings and attempt to improve ourselves. Remember, I have always emphasized in my previous articles that any beneficial changes that you are seeking in your life has to come from within YOU. Do not expect other people to change for you because you demand it, or you enforce it through coercive methods… this normally never works. In fact, using the latter methods always lead to personality conflicts and more frustration within the relationship that you are trying to build. Truly understanding yourself and changing your ways can bring the maximum benefit to any situation when working and living with other people. This requires more effort in ‘removing’ yourself from the own you ‘ego’ and looking into yourself in context of other people in your environment and situation. Eckhart explained this situation well in his book ‘The Power of Now’, where he once found himself very depressed and repeatedly saying to himself ‘I shouldn’t be here’. This opened his eyes to the fact that he was addressing himself in a two-way conversation with himself and gave way to his teachings of interpreting your thoughts and behavior from the mental noise that carries your life (see references below).

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Understanding Narcissism- Helping you to better yourself - Dr Dato’s Insight - Part 2

Wednesday, November 21st, 2012

Fig. 1 shows two individuals who are in the same environment and perhaps engaging in a conversation. As an example, if you find yourself on the receiving end of a conversation where you cannot have your say edgeways then you maybe talking to someone with a tendency towards narcissism. However, keep in mind that some people by choice are very quiet in nature and if someone chooses to do the talking, it’s because they may be feeling anxious. You could also argue that the person who is doing all the talking could have more empathy and allow the other person to say something to keep them engaged by asking questions. However, a measure of narcissism can be accurately determined if the behavior is consistent all the time independent of the people or circumstances they are in. You could say the individual is self-absorbed in what they have to say and is not really interested in other people’s opinions or thoughts. The illustration in Fig. 1 shows a triangular shape between the two individuals B and C with a higher point A. The idea of the triangulation will become more clear as it is explained with reference to our personalities and in particular our own level of awareness.

Two singles talking to each other

Two singles talking to each other

If you find yourself in the above category where you are constantly pushing your thoughts and not hearing other people’s thoughts, the illustration of Fig. 2 could be a good representation of you. Here the bold line stretches between the two individuals B and C and basically it means that you may be completely blind to the other person, lacking completely in any form of empathy. I do not believe any human can operate at this level since they need to be aware somewhat of their environment and have some social intercourse with other humans in order to get along. I would say that most animals would exist along this line where their existence is based purely on survival. Any interaction within their environment would be based on a reactionary method of survival where the degree of cooperation is far less and more about ‘I’ the animal.


Man’s greater mental capacity and the ability to think and reason have made them superior animals over all others. They are the only beings that have the capability to reach a higher form in their ability to think and act and according to this level of ability in each individual, the point A shown in Fig. 1 has some bearing to this discussion. Let’s assume that Point A with reference to the individuals B and C is the ultimate point where all humans strive for. This sets the line between points C and A where an individual’s ability of ‘total awareness’ can be measured by how far they are away from mid-point A. Think of point A as a point where if you have been fortunate enough to have reached it, your presence alone will have significant bearings on your environment. It is a point where you are completely aware of your own environment and the individuals in it, which includes you (B) and the other individual (A). Here you are completely at ease with yourself without any ego to distort your conversation with the other person.

The aim of the visualization is to help individuals understand where they are on the triangle however, be careful as to where you think you are on the line between B and A. I am of the opinion that the almost unachievable state of A, although looks to be relatively easily achieved is in fact on a logarithmic scale. This means as you get closer to A, the more difficult it is to reach it, think of it as the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle (see references). In essence, this brings the very important topic of ‘spiritualism’ into our discussion. This implies that if you have ever achieve point A in your life, you would be in a state where you have reached the ultimate level of spiritualism and where you have achieved complete awareness. A condition that is not imaginable by the human being but where everyone indirectly are striving to reach this higher form and level. In provides some meanings to the religious and spiritual teachings that have shaped mankind’s thinking throughout the ages and still going strong today.

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How to be a Dating Champion - 100 Dating and Relationship Tips

Tuesday, November 20th, 2012

Title –100 dating and Relationship Tips

AuthorMarius Panzarella

There are plenty of women available if you are man enough to go looking for them. If you don’t approach women then your chances of getting them are nil. Approach women and half the battle is won. Also to women, please don’t make yourself easily available or the guy will lose interest in you very quickly.



Understand who you are, what you want and focus on the key areas of your life to draw women towards you. Tempt the woman to fall in love with you and don’t convince her to fall in love with you, let your actions do the talking.

Simple and easy tips given here will definitely help you to begin and sustain the relationship for a very long time. A complete and precise handbook with amazing tips is a sure shot winner for you to have a successful relationship when you find the right person to go on a date with.

There are tricks to keep in mind when dealing with a sexually aggressive woman by posing something challenging. This is a sure turn on for her and she will respect you all the more for that understanding.

Tips on good grooming and body language will go a long way in winning her heart. Read in between the lines and know when she is in love with you.

What We Can Learn

Recognize yourself and your needs and also increase your confidence and focus on your skills to be an achiever. This will attract women towards you. Let the woman of your dreams fall in love with you rather than you convince her that you are the right guy for her.

Eye contact is a must when you talk to her so let her move her eyes away before you do and this will give you the confidence to go ahead even if you have goofed up.

Don’t force yourself to be the Mr nice guy who does not offend women. Women hate such guys and get turned off easily. What they are looking out for is some spark in their relationship with a real man who has the ability to say ‘no’ when he wants to.

You can’t be a winner every time, if you are rejected by her take it as a learning lesson. Don’t be upset and lose your confidence, always analyze and you will know what kind of women are not your types rather you are not the types for those kind of women.

Don’t stress yourself out by trying to be perfect, it just doesn’t work in the real world. Learn the skills of communication and be cool to show you are cool. Learn how to handle situations where you are in an awkward position. Make her laugh as much as you can as wit really can be appealing to a woman.

Body language must be positive that conveys a lot to the potential partner. Be well groomed, clean and stylish. Kiss her well and she is yours. Don’t hurry in touching her or you may rub her the wrong way. Read her reaction and you will know whether to go ahead in this relationship or time to look for a different person.

Dr Dato’s Comments

With so many women available, a guy has to just look in the right place. Accept that men and women brains are wired differently. Women are attracted to guys who are achievers and have a body of confidence. Women fall in and out of love first then rationalize their emotions.

Most people build mental blocks where dating is concerned. Get over this mental block and open your mind to be receptive. Remember you cannot go back in time. Learn to avoid the same mistakes when flirting or during courtship. Don’t waste time in regretting but move ahead with renewed energy and a positive attitude and outlook.

Be well groomed, poised, relaxed, smile a lot and keep eye contact. All these work magic on a women’s psyche and compel her to be interested in you. Read books on body language and develop your body language accordingly to convey your sincerity and openness. Women need not be trained to analyze body language as they are simply blessed with this uncanny sense of understanding that is subtly conveyed.

You must understand her body language to rightly gauge if she is interested in you or not. Just her smile and flick of hair is not enough to show her interest in you. This book systematically describes how to recognize her interest in you and go ahead from a casual to a committed relationship.

Women love challenges and the aggressive woman will tease you and approach you. Instead of being uncomfortable simply challenge her and if she succeeds you are onto a winner. Understand the women mind and enjoy her companionship by making your relationship fun and interesting.

Communication skill has to be developed to build a rapport in any relationship. Find topics to keep communicating with the women and score brownie points for you.

Touch her in such a way that she does not feel cheap but beautiful. Step by step go ahead and let the relationship mature and bloom beautifully. Add humor to your conversation and that is the important building block of creating rapport with her.

Make sure you don’t fall in love with your best friend’s girlfriend as loyalty and trust are still important issues in this social world. Tell yourself repeatedly it is absolute no-no as the human mind can be gobbled up by guilt at any stage in life.
Human mind is very complicated and so apply the different techniques as per the situation to turn out a winning situation every time.

Also, keep in mind that not all women are for you, so if you find yourself working too hard with a woman you met, it is possible that she is not right for you.

4 on 5 for this handbook on dating and relationship tips. This book is excellent reading material for beginners as well as those who are already in a relationship. Follow the steps closely and you will find.

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Successful Dating Relationships Always Starts with You - Dr Dato’s Insight

Tuesday, November 20th, 2012

Dr. Phil recently appeared on Thursday 15th November 2012 on the ABC show ‘The View’ to talk about his recent book ‘Life Code’. The book is not sold on retail stores yet but is available online on selected outlets. I wanted to talk a little about the widespread problem faced by many new men and women in the area of dating. These are the issues faced by both men and women who find themselves being easily manipulated and scammed by partners. Dr Phil’s book tries to teach and inform people on how to see the tell-tale signs found in these groups of ‘players’.

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