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Understanding Narcissism- Helping you to better yourself - Dr Dato’s Insight - Part 1

Wednesday, November 21st, 2012

You probably have heard the word narcissism used to characterize particular groups of people who are very egotistical, arrogant and generally tend to be males. Women however, can also display strong characteristics of this personality trait. Not many people know that all of us have some degree of narcissistic behavior within us and it is important how this behavior can affect our external behavior with other fellow human beings. Understanding narcissism is important in relationships as it will help you better understand yourself and help in your relationship building.



Narcissistic personality disorders usually stems from a person who feels that they are always the center of attention. They usually don’t have any empathy towards other persons and their lives always revolves around them. As a result, they are usually arrogant, always value their opinions over others and feel they have a right to entitlement. A quick and good test to see if you border on narcissistic characteristics is to take the online test from here…

I happen to take this test and scored 12, which is on the normal scale (:-). However, when I looked at my test for the areas where I scored high, I found that it was in the area of wanting attention to power. This is understandable since I do know that i have to exercise some power over the things I do in my everyday life. I constantly strive to improve myself and push myself so I can discover not only more about myself but able to get things done rapidly. This can come out as a power-struggle in some of the people I work with and I always know that I have to balance this character with the abilities and hopes of others. The quiz also explains that a score of 18 can signify that you are a celebrity where your attention is normally focused on themselves. A score above 18 can signify strong narcissistic qualities which you may need to address. I do encourage you to take the test to see the kind of things you have a tendency to do more than usual so you get a better insight into yourself.

In relationships, where one of the partners is a narcissists the relationship could become strained and it is up to each one of us to do something about it. It is a commonly held belief that a narcissist will pair up with someone who has low self-esteem. Usually men with their aggressive dominant behavior can be instantly attracted by women who are usually more subservient. However, over time as they become more accustomed to their personalities and grow to learn more about each other, their maybe a departure from their original personalities and blame ensues as the relationship develops. Please review the recent article on self-esteem where the topic of narcissism can be thinly veiled within a relationship.

A Visual Aid to understanding Narcissism and the world you live in

In order to better understand how we view ourselves within our environment, I have created a few illustrations to help us appreciate our shortcomings and attempt to improve ourselves. Remember, I have always emphasized in my previous articles that any beneficial changes that you are seeking in your life has to come from within YOU. Do not expect other people to change for you because you demand it, or you enforce it through coercive methods… this normally never works. In fact, using the latter methods always lead to personality conflicts and more frustration within the relationship that you are trying to build. Truly understanding yourself and changing your ways can bring the maximum benefit to any situation when working and living with other people. This requires more effort in ‘removing’ yourself from the own you ‘ego’ and looking into yourself in context of other people in your environment and situation. Eckhart explained this situation well in his book ‘The Power of Now’, where he once found himself very depressed and repeatedly saying to himself ‘I shouldn’t be here’. This opened his eyes to the fact that he was addressing himself in a two-way conversation with himself and gave way to his teachings of interpreting your thoughts and behavior from the mental noise that carries your life (see references below).

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Book Review Mistakes Men Make That Women Hate: 101 Style Tips for Men

Tuesday, November 13th, 2012

Title- Mistakes Men Make That Women Hate: 101 Style Tips for Men

Author - Kenneth J. Karpinski


This short and sweet handbook or call it a pocket reference guide for all guys who want to be successful in dating. The book talks about fifteen major mistakes men make and to avoid them so they don’t face failure while dating. Avoid these and you can win the date of your choice.

Mistakes Men Make That Women Hate

Mistakes Men Make That Women Hate

Hanging around at the bar and trying to hook up with every good looking woman is not always going to work . Be ready to be rejected as you have to have that something special to hold the attention of the lady.

Be confident, well groomed, know what to talk and the stuff that needs to be done when trying to date a woman. Observe the other guys who are a hit amongst women and learn their style.

Learn to start a conversation in a topic that she will also talk rather than you just lecturing or boasting about yourself and you achievements. Concise fifteen points are given with explanation on what not to do. Every guy can benefits from this book if he keeps these points in mind and follows the suggestions.

Remember no woman is interested in your boasting and your flamboyance on the first meet up. Nor is she looking out for a guy who is insecure and cannot take charge of the conversations. She does not want a date that has a pouch so guys, please hit the gym and get into shape if you want the woman of your choice.

After reading this book there are more chances of you guys becoming a success in dating.

What We Can Learn

Learn to be confident when you speak to her and to be a winner. Do something original to catch her attention and keep your wits around for her to be interested in you. Women hate it when the same lines are repeated like most men, she will simply shut off!

Learn to be polite and how to strike a conversation. Observe the other successful men and emulate their style, posture, poise and how they carry on a conversation with a woman.

Begin talking so that it becomes a conversation between the two of you. If you interest her, she will ask questions or just politely nod and maybe excuse herself and walk away. This means she is not interested in you, otherwise she will expect to meet you again and maybe next time give you her contact number or email.

Learn to be hygienic and well groomed. Trim your hair, have a clean car and a clean, organized home to come back to. Wear clothes that suit your personality and watch the other guys at the bar who draw the attention of women. Not the baggy clothed grays but bright colored clothed guys who smile and talk but are not rough or rowdy.

Dr Dato’s Comments
Women brains are programmed differently than men and women need more excitement and hate predictable guys or tacky conversations. They have this extra sense of knowing what the guy is going to say just buy analyzing his body language.

Build up your confidence but don’t be over confident or start boasting about yourself as that is the biggest turn-off for women. With a positive body language walk up to her and start a conversation gracefully. Gauge if she is interested in you or she is just being polite. If she is not interested, movie away gracefully.

Women love to contribute to the conversations; don’t begin by praising her and throwing compliments. She is not interested as she reads it as insecurity on your part. Strike a conversation so she can be part of it as she is just not interested in listening to your boasting or achievements.

To keep her interested in you, speak to her for two, three minutes and excuse yourself. This will trigger curiosity in the women brain and she will search for you at the next party or meeting. Don’t linger on too much with her because as a rule of thumb only one percent of the women are actually interested in dating.

You as a guy you must study books on body language to know if the woman is interested in you or if interested in going on a date. There are many tell-tale signs which usually hold well but sometimes they are deceptive too. In case you find all the signs such as flicking of the hair, leaning, bust out but it may still mean she is not interested in you. Be ready for accepting the rejection and move on.

Guys must give time once they approach a woman and not simply go after her and convey that they are interested in sleeping with her as soon as possible. Women like to be challenged and teased so use your conversation skill and remember to keep good eye contact.

All women get wooed by chivalry but do not go over-board by taking permission from her even when you need to use the rest room. This just conveys your insecurity and your neediness implying you are ready to give up all control to her on the very first meeting.

Also if you are married or into a committed relationship then discussing and taking her opinion is must. This improves your bonding and ultimately your relationship.

First impression is very impressionable on a woman’s mind. Be well groomed with proper clipped nails and hair. Carry yourself with confidence and poise. Be active so you are fit and don’t have that beer-belly that can be a real turn off.


Full marks scored by this amazing guide on the dating secrets for men. Men make the same mistakes again and again and unable to identify what is going wrong. This book helps them to precisely know which mistakes they are making and what is causing them to be rejected by women. A must read for all guys who want to find success in dating women.

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No Space for Money in Your Love Life

Wednesday, May 30th, 2012

We live in a male dominated society where there is a common belief that a husband’s job is to earn money and take care of financial needs of the family and the wife will take care of the home and raise children. But, nowadays we see that in many urban families both the husband and wife are working to meet the demand of their expensive lifestyles. This is fine until the husband earns more or equal to the family and household outgoings however, when the wife starts earning greater than husband this becomes a matter of concern and at times can be the reason of a relationship breaker.

No Space for Money in Your Love Life

No Space for Money in Your Love Life

So if you are an independent single women and looking for a potential partner then there are top THREE tips that you should not overlook:

1. Know what you want
The key to successful relationships is to know what you want from that relationship. Note down what are those 5 qualities you want in your future partner. One of them would definitely be, does equal or greater earning power of my partner matter to me? Or shall I be comfortable dating someone who makes less money than me but beautiful at heart?

2. Do not set unrealistic expectations
You can afford a luxurious car, a big apartment and even an exotic vacation with your friend and even shop from your favorite expensive branded store. If you think a guy who was not afford of all this will not make you happy can keep you single more than you want to. You need to see the individuality rather looking at the materialistic aspects of life.

3. Understand the level of maturity

Dating a woman who has greater career aspirations than a man in not wrong but, if you keep flaunting this it will make the man feel less worthy. If you do not to know the level of maturity of men you are dating, avoid going to too many expensive restaurants, buying expensive gifts rather let him pay for a weekend movie ticket or allow him to plan an outing and appreciate his efforts from the heart.

Comment of this article and tell us what you feel would make your man that special for you and maintaining a balance in the relationship.

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Does the acquisition of money empower you to love more? - Part 2

Friday, May 11th, 2012

Does the acquisition of money empower you to love more? - Part 1

This brings the question that many people’s happiness or content factor are largely determined by material wealth or the acquisition of money. For many men, it implies the dream car, or house and most of all the power to attract many women and be the envy of others. To some it separates the men from the boys. Could it be that our exemplary feeling of love and infatuation increases with the amount of money that we earn? Why do men go to such lengths to try and make so much money?

In previous historical times power essentially came from the conquests of vast lands or control of an entire nation or many people. Today, this power is directly attributable to the earning power of the individual which is why so many things are labelled with a figure of money. Our world has been fashioned with so many desirable that it is beyond the temptation of many not to fall for money. Our own dreams and hopes as a family or couple are centered on so much of the materialistic world that we can ultimately find ourselves that money is the avenue towards love.

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Are Columbus Singles Safe dating online?

Wednesday, June 8th, 2011

When it comes to dating online it is important to take a safe approach just like you would when dating the conventional way. So, are Columbus singles safe when dating online? The fact is that those who go about it with common sense and a bit of caution can date safely. One of the golden rules is not to reveal any personal information to a stranger whether you are in the chat room or sending an email message. With the internet becoming the dating choice for millions of single men and women, a vast majority are happy because they go about dating sensibly. Don’t reveal your phone number or the place where you live. You can save that for when you meet in person and judge for yourself whether you want to take your relationship to the next level.
Are Columbus singles safe from thieves and criminals on dating sites? Yes, once again, if they don’t reveal their credit card details or fall for some sob story where a potential dating partner needs money urgently. You can’t afford to lend money to strangers. One important thing is to find out as much as you can about your new friend. Ask as many questions as you possibly can. An honest person will be forthcoming. There is nothing to stop you from doing a small background check as well. Look for any inconsistencies in the information your potential match provides. If he or she is lying, then you can simply walk away. And, no matter what, meet at a public place on your first real date.

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