We often find ourselves in the doldrums and feel there is no way out of it. Many of us remain that way and unable to find a way out, but the answer is really very simple. You may have come across the words ‘I think and therefore I am’ from the famous 17th century French philosopher René Descartes.
These words are loaded with information, in case you didn’t know. Basically the premise of the words was to convey to the person the rationale thinking of one’s own existence but it has much more implications as I will explain.
You may also have come across these sayings…
“Careful of what you think, it might come true’
‘’We act without thinking or we keep thinking without acting’
and my favorite one by Dale Carnegie…
‘It isn’t what you have, or who you are or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about’
There are big lessons to be learnt from these ‘thinking’ mindset (apologizes for the pun) and that it can profoundly change the way we live. All the philosophers and successful people point to the same thing and that is everyone can change, it is just a matter of changing one’s thinking. This conveniently brings me to the important points of my blog topic which is to show you real examples of how this works. We know that theory is great but it stands no chance of approvals if it does not work in practice, so here goes…
‘You just bought a new or used car’
Have you noticed how you now see the same make of car everywhere you go. You know this to be true because prior to buying this car you were not paying attention but suddenly your mind is so tuned to this make and model of car without you even knowing it or wanting it. Remember if you have been planning to buy this car for a long time, you will also see the same pattern, your senses to this car is heightened and you can fairly easily pick out this car without even trying. This also happens when you buy a car on a whim and you suddenly see these cars everywhere you go, even though if you are not looking out for it.
You have placed these thoughts and images in your head and so the real world observations becomes heightened with this specific car and you cannot help but see more of these cars everywhere you go. To increase your subconscious mind on a particular topic or interest, you simply have to conjure it up in your mind and play it back regularly as you do when you have just purchased a new car. The brain takes over and materializes the same thing playing in your mind, call it mumbo jumbo but you know it actually happens in practice and not just for cars.
‘I always find a solution to a problem when I have a good night sleep’
If you have been stuck with something, you often find that giving yourself giving a break that helps you to come back and solve whatever you were undertaking.
The mind needs ‘freedom of movement and expression’, which means that you can’t force the mind to come up with the problem whenever you feel like. Just like nature that always takes the path of least resistance and the most natural path, so does the mind. You need to ‘give in’ to your mind to come up with the answers and solutions. This is why yoga and meditation have been around for thousands of years, only because it works.
‘I was just about to call you and you called me’
How can someone possibly explain events like this! You may argue, sheer coincidence and a stroke of luck…or is it. Let’s do some simple maths here of the probability of such an event happening.
Let’s say that you had a friend who lives far off and you probably talk once a month and mostly at random times. For someone to make a call at a random point in time AND at the moment you are thinking of the same, say after one month has the statistical probabilities shown below…
Number of seconds in a month = 2,628,000
Probability of FRIEND calling you = 1 in almost 3 million
Probability of YOU calling friend = 1 in almost 3 million
Probability of YOU and FRIEND calling at the same time
= 2,628,000 x 2,628,000
~ 7 billion
The chances of this happening is 7 billion to one, that is more than that lottery!
So the chances that both at that moment in time are thinking the same way is 1 in 7 billion and you thought the lottery was difficult! The explanation of such a thing is because the mind operates in a manner we have little knowledge about. Who is to say all the undiscovered ‘waves’ that have not been found in space are a result of this. The truth is when the mind is settled and uninterrupted you could be doing a communication dance and links with other people and you become momentarily surprised. The mind is truly amazing, do not underestimate it’s value.
‘I was shocked at how everything came together’
You often hear stories of how an entire day or week events came together and you just cannot give any possible logical explanations to it. I will provide a fitting example of a friend of mine who shared a story regarding this. He told me that there were a number of excruciating events on that day where he needed to juggle some things around and then catch a flight. Without going into the details of the story, he was able to fit everything into that day and astonishingly he was able to make it to the flight when he was absolutely certain that he would be nowhere near it. As the day unfolded, he was aghast at how the events unfolded and there were glimmers of hope of everything coming together. What my friend did, was gave way to ‘nature’ since he probably thought the whole day’s feat was an impossible task and he just let it go. As he saw the day unfolding and things getting done he became increasingly positive and confident and he was able to achieve the impossible task of catching the flight. He looks back on the day and he simply cannot understand how the turn of events came about for all of it to happen!
What can we learn from his experience? A lot in fact.. what our minds are telling us is that if you have a purpose and desire and have at least a glimmer of hope of succeeding, you will be truly amazed and at how the mind and body can materialize those impossible tasks.
Stay tuned for more enlightening posts!
Brought to you by the ThinkTank Labs of Jumpdates.com
If you have a date in New York, NY City or surrounding areas, then you will know that it is always a good idea to give yourself plenty of time for the commute to your dating location. If you are a native New Yorker, you probably will find some of this information redundant, however, you may find some uses for the new maps prepared for commuting easily on the subway of NY.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make is driving to your dating location, be it late at night or even weekends on Sundays, be prepared to sit in idle traffic for a long time! If you are coming out of state, it is always best to park your car in the suburbs close to where you are going and then just hop on the train or bus for the rest of the journey. Avoid driving at all possible costs unless you know that your dating partner resides on the outskirts of the city and I mean, really in the outskirts.
New York has always been busy, even if you go back 50 or 100 years and of course with time it just got even busier. It is only a question of time when NY implements the same requirements as London for drivers entering and leaving the city.
Most of us have gotten used to the subway and try to avoid buses altogether but you are at a miss if you do so. Restricting your commute to the subway will only lengthen your journey since you will have to do the remainder of your trip by foot. Many areas are several blocks or maybe 1-2 miles from the nearest subway. It is always best to know your bus routes. Ferdouse.com has conveniently put together maps for these exact benefits. Make sure you have it on the home page of your mobile phone. Here are the links…
Uber is a huge phenomena in NY with about 30,000 drivers signed up to the massive automated online system. Many of these drivers depend on their livelihood on this service. The cost is not usually much but can be expensive depending on what location you want to go to. Uber dynamically updates it’s price depending on the demand in particular areas and they provide this information as a color-coded map for the drivers. Some parts of Manhattan will light up in red during peak-times and you may end up paying twice the rate. However, generally the service is cheaper than the yellow or green cabs and the cars/drivers of Uber also need to be regulated by the NY Transport agency.
Not the best way to meet up with your date, although you can put a label on the rear of your seat saying ‘my other big bike is a Land Rover’ etc. If you plan to meet up for just coffee or a bite to eat than this may allow you to weave through traffic and reach your destination faster than cabs. NY has done a good job of making roads compatible with bikes and even City Bank now offers bicycles that you can rent dotted around the city.
However, you get to your destination, make sure you are fresh, clean and with some energy to enjoy with your date!
We know to a certain extent that culture can play a vital part in the way we have been brought up and our personalities can reflect this. In the early stages of a relationship we may overlook those differences but as soon as the couple gets to really know each other, those differences can become challenging. I can’t help but give you a blatant expression of cultural differences depicted in the movie ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding’ released in 2002. This pokes much fun at the differences in culture including the parents mindset but it does sum up quite well how cultural differences can impact relationships.
Many a people have given advice on this subject and it’s usually in these lines, ‘marry into the same culture’. There is much truth to this statement because being brought up in a particular culture embeds into us specific values, behavior, what is tolerant etc and a host of other things. This shapes the way we think, behave, respond and of course the future mindset when it comes to partnering and getting married. Many couples of differing cultures will tell you that it was only over time that they overcame their differences and were able to adjust to each other. For the starry-eyed couples, take note since cultural values should not be looked at lightly.
In the example of the movie mentioned earlier, it was quite funny to watch how the woman was in no mood to be intimate with her American partner after what seemed like forever for the poor young man. Although it would be too stereotypical to say that the West have a leander understanding of what is considered intimate, nevertheless the cultural differences do play a significant part in relationship building. You may also say that religious viewpoints play a vital part in the courting and dating game. The oddity of religion is that it is often fashioned by the culture itself and intermingled with the cultural values of the environment live in. This may bring about a different opinion of thinking and understanding but not necessarily bespoke of religion.
Generally, if you are meeting someone from different cultural backgrounds, it is always a good idea to give yourself time and understand the differences. Apart from the cultural differences you also have to weigh the unique personality of the person you are dating. One of the reasons why some Eastern marriages work over a long period of time is that they have been wired to think in some way with regards to marriage and children. The initial ‘unknown’ glitzy and romantic entanglement makes way for a much more pragmatic, rigorous, down-to-earth, plain common sense approach to marriage. Maybe it is a good thing and maybe it is a bad thing. The point being that a couple needs to go in it for the long haul and not just for the romance.
It is perhaps for this reason why we are now choosing to marry late and some not to marry at all. The unfortunate fact of this matter is that for those who remain single, they will not be able to experience the joy and often frustrations that come about from marriage and children. Maybe it could be different to what you have seen as ‘second-hand’ or maybe you think you can do a much better job than your parents. However, it is almost impossible to know what it is like unless you have actually experienced it itself. Take for example, the famous question, ‘is it better to have loved and lost and not to have loved at all’ or ‘What is it like to hold your first born child in your arms for the very first time’.
Many of our jumpdates members are well educated as can be see by the audience and visitors measured by well known statistics sites such as google trends and alexa ratings. Just visit these sites to see how jumpdates.com attracts the types of audience.
Often, our members are looking for ways to self-improvement and self-development because they are aware of how important these are to attract the right partner in their lives. In that vein we have written hundreds of articles on this subject in our jumpdates blog. We have reaffirmed the importance of this quality from sources around the web.
Recently we have reviewed the popular book by Benjamin Spock on ‘Dr Spocks baby and Child Care’ - 9th edition. Although it talks about the birth of child and parents expectations etc. However, we could not help and marvel at some of the statements made early in the book which talks about how parent’s treat strictness and permissiveness in order to bring up a child. This section alone warrants a read by every adult as it has profound implications in the way we grow up as adults.
If you get a chance please read the section on page 48 ‘74. Parents who become confused with new theories’ which basically talks about how some parenting choose to bring up their children based on how they were brought up as a child. This is a must reading as it will provide you with insights to your thinking and help with self-improvement.
As mentioned before in our numerous blog posts, there are many reasons why we choose to behave the way we do and this largely stems from our upbringing. Dr Spock talks about how some of us can ‘change our theories’ from the ones we have been taught by our parents. How we do this has huge repercussions on the way we behave and how we expect to parent our own children. Just to give you an example, if we choose to give more permissiveness to the child based on our harsh and strict upbringing, we may be doing injustice to the child. The feelings of resentment my grow with time as you give in to the child on every whim which is not what you intended. What Spock indirectly says, is to bring a balance to the handling and upbringing of the child.
Dr Spock does not discourage strictness in bringing up a child but when it is done with overbearing harshness, chronically disapproving and make no allowance for the child’s age and individuality then it can be harmful. However, this line alone indirectly shows the personality of the adult and if we lean towards that kind of upbringing we really need to reach within ourselves and change.
Brought to you by the ThinkTank Labs of Jumpdates.com
We often use this word to justify someone’s character due to their behavior. However, the word has such a broad connotation and meaning that to label a person entirely as being selfish would not be justified or even qualified. To live in a society with that personality alone would be near impossible.. we would find ourselves deeply isolated from the real world.
So why do we consider other people are selfish?
Maybe when you have a need and the other person does not fulfill it, you immediately label the person as selfish. It could be that you are selfish to think so and expect the other person to happily go about doing what you ask. The point is, when you label someone ‘selfish’, try to put it into perspective and ask why they are being selfish.
Selfish is sometimes associated with arrogance.
We know that arrogant people (who think highly of themselves) are usually always making references to ‘me’ or ‘I’ and does not really pay attention to other folks. We may find these people selfish since their appearance and behavior is always pointing towards them. There are subtle differences here when we associate arrogance to folks who are very talkative and those who are not. You may make the mistake of a quiet person as less arrogant than the talkative part but this may not be true. The quiet person may be equally arrogant in their nature by not associating with other people or deliberately trying to keep away from interactions with other people. Their world will become topsy turvy if they don’t have control over their domain. As a result they can also appear selfish.
Assertiveness & selfishness.
Sometimes assertiveness is construed as selfish but the difference is that the assertive person is empathetic whereas the selfish person is not. A selfish person will normally never undertake a task that you ask them to do for whatever reasons whereas an assertive person will do the task whenever they can.
An assertive person does not have to forceful as the Oxford Dictionaries describe it, a better description is found in the Merriam-Webster dictionary.
confident and forceful behavior
confident in behavior or style
Oddly enough the first is from the UK and the second from here in the US. This can explain some of the general stereotypical personality traits between these two nations ie. one taking a negative stance on responses to ‘no’, whereas the other nation encourages this kind of behavior. We have heard the negativity of being two faced, maybe it is a result of how we assert ourselves. Anyways, this is probably another discussion of topic for another time.
One of the biggest things we can learn about ourselves is the ability to take control of how we react to an unpleasant situation from say a selfish person. We may feel hurt but out of that comes resentment and to alleviate our stress we start blaming other people for the way we feel. The best course of action is simply to appreciate that these people exist and they may offend you one way or another but make it a point that they may be having a bad day. Also reflect afterwards if the negative reaction was caused by you.
We often have different viewpoints when someone suddenly says ‘no’ to us and as a result we might label them as selfish, arrogant or in some cases bold. On the opposite side, some cultures find it hard to say ‘yes’ as this can come across as offensive. For example when you are a guest and they ask you whether you want some ‘tea’ and you reply with a ‘yes’, this may come across as offensive in some cultures believe it or not.
Depending on what kind of relationships you are in, you may feel perfectly within your rights to ask your spouse to buy a gallon of milk on his way back after work. Receiving a ‘no’ response might elevate your emotions and lead to a fight. Again there are good and bad responses to this and is based on your perception of the event. For example, you might just curse your spouse and shout at him for thinking of giving that kind of response. You may feel ‘that was an odd reply, maybe you suddenly feel empathetic and ask ‘really, any reason’. Equally, the person who says ‘no’ can start off by giving good reasons first on why he should say ‘no’. For example, he could start with ‘I’m afraid I will be working late, you would need to pick it up or one of the kids can pick it up’.
The example above was a simple one but it shows how responses from both parties can be worded to avoid miscommunication or heated arguments. It is one of the reasons and and an often used tactic to test and provocate others by people who are skilled in this. Dare I say, it has been used effectively by the male gender to have more control over the opposite sex. It is always wise to listen and assimilate what is said to you before you respond. However, one is unable to stay in this mode of thinking when both parties known to each other are spontaneously engaged in a conversation. If you do most of the talking, you are most likely to be more vulnerable to criticisms as the person who says less.
There is the question of assertiveness that comes into play when saying no partly because you have been a yes person most of the time. Trying to be ‘nice’ and saying yes as opposed to a ‘no’ all the time labels you in the weak category by other people. In order to please others and forgo self-interest the person ends up agreeing to what others are saying. What has to be understood is that a ‘no’ is just an important part of the conversation and relationship as saying a ‘yes’ and is healthy. However, the way we say those are important.
Is there a singular solution to handling yourself in the best manner possible? Unfortunately, we humans are not alike, with some having much tolerance and becoming labeled as a ‘door mat’ whilst others with no patience are considered brash and selfish. Then it stands to reason that the middle ground is the best place to be.
Our machine algorithms developed by the ThinkTank Labs of Jumpdates has sifted through thousands of messages to find the word ‘no. We have learned some interesting tactics that members use to convey a ‘no’ to the other person. Stay tuned for more information on our findings.
When it comes to relationships we generally tend to make our opinions of somethings based on what people said. However, we all know from experience that second-hand information can be distorted and usually convoluted by the person who is conveying it.
When I was young maybe 10 years of age, our English teacher played a fun game with us kids. She had all the kids about 20 of them lined up and would whisper into the ears of one of the kids at the end. That kid needed to whisper the same thing that the teacher had said to the kid next to him/her. Once the message got to the last kid in the line he had to say loudly what he heard. We would all burst out laughing when the teacher would actually tell us the short sentence that she whispered to the first kid. It was amazing to see how the original message go so distorted. Occasionally the first kid would even pick up the message incorrectly from the teacher, it was not that she was trying to make it sound inaudible or anything.
The example above just goes to show that messages get distorted when passed from one person to another. The motto of this example is that you can never know the complete truth until you have first hand experience of it. Have you noticed how people convey information about a movie they have just watched and when you get to see it, you feel that the person had left the most important information out of it? The same is true of when people come to you and talk about anything, it is always colored with their personality and event factual statements may be distorted. This is where witnesses in courts always seem to be in loggerheads in discussing about the events they witnessed.
Take another real example. A person entrusts family members around her to give information related to some assets held in another country. So the person becomes completely and entirely dependant on the individual for the information related to their assets. It would be very easy for the individual if they so wished, to somehow ‘manipulate’ the information that is passed onto the family member. In reality the person who is receiving this information may never get the truth to the information that is being handed down to them because it is being ‘controlled’ by the person who is delivering it. These kind of miscommunication or mistrust often results in dissolution of businesses, breakup in relationships, mistrust in people and much cause for conflicts between people.
One of the endearing quality that some of us have, is that we tend to make the assumption that everyone else tends to think or behave in the same way we do. Many folks go through disillusionments and eventually wake up to the realization that people are just different to them. Trust is such an important quality for all of us to work together in pursuit of greater goals in life. There are people amongst us who take trust to their advantage like the example given previously but one can also lay some blame to the person who completely entrusted the person for that information. In life one has to be aware of good and bad and this can be easily blinded by faith and trust in others that bring about so much frustrations, headaches and often heartbreaks in our lives.
Is there are simple solution that people can follow that will enable them to detect the good from the bad or the bad from the good? Unfortunately, every issue/event that comes across in our lives are different and the way we handle it can develop trust or resentment in others. One cannot be on ‘guard’ all their lives otherwise the whole living thing becomes a ‘chore’ rather than something to look forward to. Next time you become critical of someone that you have crossed paths with, ask yourself how this could have been avoided. This could be a good starting point in maintaining your sanity with people around you and learning how to deal with them and making yourself even better prepared to take on the world.
Brought to you by…
Jumpdates ThinkTank Labs
Many folks take the internet for granted and they happily open up their browsers and go hunting for cheap online fares. What you don’t know and not always astute to is the ways browsers and websites interact with each other and they can paint a different picture when it comes to pricing.
For example, let’s say you went to these online airfare checker sites and they are many of these and you decide to look up fares but have not decided. You will most likely see the fares change with each day. However, the question is, are the fares a reflection of the market movement in prices or because the website knows you through your cookies when you come and visit the site.
You won’t be surprised at the alarming way that Google is able to track you when it comes to pushing ads to your face. Say, you went to an online ecommerce store and you surf around the net, you will most likely see the same ad show up time and time again. These are all done through the cookies.
In the same way, websites that offer you deals on airline prices will most likely be able to tell if you are revisiting the site from looking up the cookies that is embedded to your browser. Remember cookies are not a bad thing, they are a way to enable websites to hold your last session and as such and can be used by websites (safely) to provide you with richer user experience. However, the airline fare checker sites can leverage this knowledge to push ‘new prices’ to you based on how frequently you have visited the site. They will also consider the fear-mongering trick of how late you leave the ticket towards your flight date to push higher prices. Heck, airline, hotels, cars and other businesses have been doing this for years!
So how to overcome this ‘shadowing’ that airline, hotel price checker sites use? Very simple, just open up a new browser and do the same search again. I usually have Google Chrome, Firefox and Opera on my Windows 10 machine. I can also delete the browser history which will also clear your cookies cache, check with the browser that you are using. Just today, I saw a price hike from a company (who I won’t bad mouth) from the yesterday’s prices and then I did the same search on another browser and lo and behold completely different prices!
Brought to you by
Jumpdates ThinkTank Labs.
There is a lot to be said of determining personality traits by the actions and behavior of people and nothing can be more true by observing the way they drive.
Here are a few (and sometimes amusing) ways to sum up people’s personalities
1. The impatient and restless driver
Almost all of these drivers can be seen being provocated at the slightest hint of a traffic jam or someone who cut’s in, slow or appears to be causing traffic jams. Unfortunately, these kinds of people always seem to be in a hurry and have no time for others.
2. The over-cautious driver
These people like to stay to themselves and rarely say much during a conversation and their driving is a reflection of that. Since they like solitude, going out to the open road seems a terrifying experience for them since they have no choice but to wrestle with their external surroundings. They take extra precaution to stay zealously close to what is in front of their nose as opposed to the whole environment. Their driving is unappreciated by other passengers.
3. The cool driver
You can imagine what type of personality that this driver possesses. These people are generally young and have little experience on the road. Experienced drivers will know how important it is to drive safely no matter what the personality. They are almost always not the ones that you would go into the car with since you will likely be holding tightly to your seats and giving sighs of relief from hairline misses with other cars. As you can guess, these people are probably the talkative types and loves to impress especially their opposite sex.
4. The analytical driver
These personalities are likely to belong to more mature people and often the one that you find the most comfortable being a passenger. They are not the talk of the town or go out to impress, they are very grounded, maybe boring but always grounded and gives good advice.
In the same way that you can extract personality traits through people’s driving there are other behavior characteristics that you can derive from many other activities. It’s usually a result of the fact that one cannot ‘fake’ their actions or behavior over a particular area of expertise. Take for example the people’s differences when it comes to how they handle their crockware after eating. For example, do they immediately wash up or do they leave it on the side. Do they move the other crockery out of the way without washing to do their own. There is a lot to appreciate in those types of behavior alone.
Next time when you go out on a date, try to observe their behavior in their driving, eating or doing some kind of activity, it can reveal interesting things about the person you are dating.
The Rio Olympics of 2016 are filled with excitement as we see great feats of skill, strength, endurance and determination. We almost find ourselves in the same shoes as the olympian who crosses the 100m line to break the world record or the frustration of the high jumper who hits the bar on the third time.
I find it particularly fascinating to watch the short interviews that take place after an event, it reveals their thinking and often the purpose of why they go through such enduring hardship to reach the top. If we take mankind as a whole, we have excelled at being the masters of our world and we have a deep craving for progress and what lies ahead. This is so true for anyone who competes for a medal in the world cup.
Maybe to a lesser extent, we all have a deep sense of purpose and achievement that we strive for and the perception of how we internalize these feelings can propel us forward or keep as stagnant. We can associate all the athletes that participate in the Olympics have gone through gruelling exercise and constant practise along with much sacrifices to reach the pinnacle of their sport. Why do they do that? To many of us we cannot imagine being subject to the same constant routine day after day to just to get the satisfaction of having 1 billion people or so watching you hold your medal.
If we take that same philosophy of thinking to heart and apply it to our daily lives we should theoretically also achieve greatness in our endeavors. But many will forgo that desire to be ‘great’ because the ‘struggle’ and ‘sacrifice’ is far too much to bear in the pursuit of that goal. Nevertheless the sense of high achievement and greatness has never come without a price. But I would say to those naysayers that when you are living the dream and greatness the slog and effort that one tends to think is not the way one thinks. In fact, if those people did not ‘enjoy’ or feel ‘fulfilled’, they would not be able to maintain the path they put themselves through.
The ‘euphoria’ of living your dreams propels one to a new level of thinking where the tasks does not seem like tasks at all but inches them towards glory.
Jumpdates ThinkTank Labs